No longer sitting on the fence

[motherof3]

Update - Mostly to keep good notes for next coaching session.

2/19 – Called H’s cell phone so that I could say goodnight to the kids. (H doesn’t have a landline.) S6 usually answers, but this time H picks up the phone to say that the kids are in the bathtub/shower. Would it be okay if they called you back? This ended up being a very short conversation. Positive – H didn’t let phone go to VM. Negative – Conversation revolved solely around the kids. S6 calls me back a short while later.

2/20 – Called H’s cell phone to speak with the kids. H does send me an email regarding logistics for S6’s last Y basketball game.

2/21 – Kids call to say ‘Hi’. I did not speak with. H. I did respond to his email from yesterday, thanking him for the basketball game reminder along with a few more short sentences regarding the game and S6.

2/22 – H replies to my email reply from yesterday. Basically commenting on S6’s basketball playing skills.

Later after work, I missed two phone calls from H made to my cell phone. H calls the house phone.
M: Hello.
H: Hi.
(Brief pause by both of us.)
H: How are you?
M: Good. How about yourself?
H: Good. I forgot to send S6 basketball jersey with him. Would it be okay to drop it by sometime tonight?
M: Good thing your remembered that. I completely forgot. We are just wrapping up dinner.
H: Do you mind if I drop it by in about 20 minutes?
M: Nope. We will see you then.

Analysis – I could have done better, starting with maybe asking him how his day was first rather than waiting on him to start up the conversation.

20 minutes later H stops by. The kids are all excited. I open the door and say Hello. He says Hi and hands me the jersey. I ask how the funeral went on Sunday. He said that it was very sad. I reply, that I can’t even image. I ask a couple more questions about the funeral. H’s answers were straightforward and to the point. He says goodbye to the kids and heads back to his car. On his way out the door I say goodbye. I can’t remember if he even responded or not.

2/23 – See a missed email that H sent to my work on Monday. It read: Ex-co-worker (relative of the deceased) of H said he received your card (sympathy card) and wanted me to thank you. He appreciated it. He is doing pretty well considering. The funeral was very sad.

I replied this morning with: I am sure it was very sad. I will never understand how things could get so bad that one would even consider doing something like this. I think it is a very selfish act. I am sure Ex-co-worker was glad to have your support during the service.

H replies: I think it is a mystery to everyone why he did it. I am sure more will be learned in the coming weeks.
I reply with a couple of questions regarding the death and circumstances. I ended the email with I know you are busy. Have fun in the warmer weather. (H left today for an annual sales meeting in FL.)

H replied: I am in a cab. He gives me some more details the family and death.

H called to speak with the kids. I did not speak with him.

2/24 – Emailed H to inform him that S4 had another incident at daycare today. I give him the details and ask if he would entertain the idea of meeting or scheduling a time to discuss counseling options for S4.

H replies: Sorry. That stinks. Do you want to talk Sunday night?

In a separate email H gives me his opinion on what type of counselor would be best. He also offered to get a couple of names to call.

I haven’t responded to his most recent emails yet.