One thing I thought this morning: I don't want my life decided by complete strangers. By some judge and some "assessors" assessing my life and my "deserving/not deserving" the house. I guess it is meant to be the impartial eye of justice, but at the moment it feels like handing my life over to someone else to decide. If there is a way to keep fighting up and until court--and then fold or hold--I will see. Well, that is what my lawyer is for tomorrow.
Re: work knowing. There is no bad thing that would happen. I like the exercise of taking it to the extreme! I will try that next time. I just DON'T want to share this part of my life with my co-workers. OK--I'll SAY it--because I feel like a FAILURE and a F**K-UP. And I don't want their pity. Two co-workers are a married couple. She is the vortex of evil--a truly terrible person. He used to be terrible, but in recent years has become a pretty decent person. We all actually feel a bit sorry for him, married to her. Anyhow, in my shame and humiliation ( I know, I have nothing to be ashamed of) I think--if THEY could keep their lousy rotten marriage together--how could I fail so miserably!!
I have been able to spill all this fear, rage, tears, etc., to friends, both close and not so close. But work--nope. Keep it separate. Of course, now they all know, but I don't have to talk about it. One day it will be easier, and I will. Not now.
I have a coaching session with a The Work facilitator tomorrow. The session on Monday was pretty intense. I hope this is a helpful process for me. Will let you know.
