I felt a few of the things with my W that you mentioned your H feels. I read the book "improve your marriage without working on it" and that helped me understand where I (and she) was coming from. That helped quite a bit. It also made the idea of DB a little easier for me to get.
My 11 yr M hasn't been what I dreamt of which led us toward D, but working at improving our connection to each other (one last try) instead of separating has given me a lot more hope.
Your efforts, regardless of your results, will be what you live with - good luck, petals. Make sure to make each decision you take because you are sure it makes sense, not because you were told to.
