Talia, I LOVE that you are going out dancing! Honestly I think that dancing is the best medicine. I started going out to a few local clubs w girlfriends last fall (hadn't done that since college days!) and it was SO much fun. Good for you..keep that up!
As to the dating scene, I totally hear you on the walls and stepping your toe out first. I think that's great that you did that, regardless, and even if it felt weird. I started dating a bit last fall and it was very helpful..but was also warned about the attachment piece. I had great fun, but when I realized the guy just wanted one thing, it made me miss comfort of H even more. But that is bound to happen. The comparison at first (whether good or bad) is only Natural. I had been w H for almost 12 years(!) so for me it was like getting 'my game' back by going out and getting PMA (another use of the acronym, as my GF coined, "positive male attention"). So I had my 'experiment' last fall. And now I realize I'm still not ready for anything serious, and that is fine and OK...I am excited to start 'dating'. Where at first I would be closed off to a guy if I didn't sense an immediate attraction, now I'm ALL ABOUT being open-minded. 1. it's practice. 2. you never know until you give people a chance, and 3. you learn so much more about yourself in the meantime. It's also helped me realize the ways H and I were not a good fit for each other, in some ways.
So you have a wall up for now. That's good to recognize, it's perfectly fine, normal, and hey, it would be weird if you didn't. go at your own pace and as my aunt recently told me "YOU call the shots". I've also realized it can be a good excuse if you're not ready to proceed any further (physically or emotionally) with another person..you are still in 'healing' mode in many ways. Do what feels right for you, and if a guy doesn't respect you than his problem.
You are right, time is good. I go out with a friend here a lot that's also recently gone through D. We push ourselves to flirt and such..and coined a new little acronym: NLFMH. "Not looking for my husband" Meaning you are not looking for the next man, next serious relationship, you are just out to flirt and have fun and have a good time. Then everything will fall into place when/if you are ready...but obviously you're parallel-processing the 'letting go/detaching' from H at the same time as well. Regardless of whether there is any reconcil or not.
Don't know if this helps at all.. but I think you are absolutely on the right track! And remember, you call the shots! ((t)) -hhh
