I'm glad the articles seemed to be useful. I'll try to forward or copy/paste helpful info as I come across it.
You MUST, MUST, MUST get the Divorce Remedy book! It is invaluable. I would also recommend How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. It has some fantastic information in it. Both books will help you work your way back to sanity.
As for the state wrestling tournament, I understand why he is choosing not to go. I don't agree with it, but I understand it. It's selfish and very typical of his state of mind. Unfortunately, you can't point that out to him, nor should you try. He will have to learn from this when he becomes healthy enough to realize what a horrible choice it was not to go.
Keep acting "as if"! Continue to be pleasant and upbeat! Most likely, he WANTS you to get mad, pick a fight, or act in a way that justifies his choices. Don't take the bait or rise to the occasion. Standoffish is not how a gracious, kind, and happy lady would act. Be polite and friendly, but keep him at arm's length. Don't bring up your situation, and don't ask him questions about his feelings or where things are going. If he talks about taking things from the home, say, "Okay. Need anything else?" Validate his feelings without telling him you agree to anything. If he initiates a talk about the R, you may want to change the subject or very pleasantly tell him you aren't interested in a discussion about that right now. Smile, laugh as you tell him something funny (that you saw, that happened at the grocery, that a neighbor did), and look absolutely unbelievable (in a casual way, of course).
Keep busy! Enjoy the tournament! I hope the nephew does well.
By the way--why is it so much easier to give this advice than it is to know what to do with my H??
