quietly watching....need help

[gardengirl72]

I did read the article on MLC. I find some of the things I read about MLC to be true to what H is doing. I have not yet got the DB book.


This has been a very busy week for me....which is a good thing!! Tomorrow, I will be watching my nephew wrestle at state, and he will hopefully move on to finals on Friday and Saurday. H is choosing not to go (for me??) claims it would be too hard on me to explain to people why he wouldn't be sitting with me! I told him it didn't matter if he sat with me or not.

It is very hard for me to understand why he won't be there for our nephew...nephew is the 14 year old (now 16) who lost both parents in car accident a little over 2 years ago.(my original post....H is still having hard time dealing with death of friend.) My sister and brother-in-law became his legal guardians.

At the time of our friends death (12-29-06), they were very active in wrestling...going to tournaments in the state and out of the state. Our nephew chose to continue (he knew his parents would have wanted that) and ended up taking State first place in three different forms of wrestling that year! He made it to state last year too as a freshman. We were there for that.
H said he would call and talk to him before he goes....it's still not the same as being there.

H called this morning...no mention of going to state tournament. He said he will be coming to town (dr. appointment) early next week. Said he will 'stop by' to switch trucks and pick up a few things. Mostly talked about himself, H seemed 'fine'. I didn't bring up anything.

I find doing the 'as if' is helping HIM, as he can go about his life without having to bother with anything...which is what HE wants. Does this still work if H doesn't have to stay at the house??....he's up north where WE were going to retire to...and I'm here....

I need help/reassurance on how to act when H comes here...I don't want to make things worse...I'm afraid if I'm too
'stand-offish' he will think I have given up....this seems to be the game we play.....HELP!!

I also read somewhere in here you should contact family and friends and let them know what is going on.....most all family knows. I know friends will be wondering because he is telling people I don't want to be up north....which is not the case!

Thanks, gg