Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

More from lunch, this is not in order I just want to get it out while it is fresh, I came away feeling really good but I am keeping my expectations in check, this is hard but I have learned the lessons of not having enough patience. I know I need to let her digest what we talked about today.

I asked her if she thought that I was a better listener and she responded "no". I asked her if she would give me example so I could do better. She said that I had asked if we could "work on it" on Friday and she said she was not ready, my W said I asked again 2 days later on Sunday. I agreed with her instead of defending what I said.

I considered this a big step forward for me b/c I initially wanted to defend myself but held my tongue and validated her. Amazingly, I felt better afterwards, b/c she now knows that I understand how she is "feeling" which is way more important than me defending myself or proving my point which does absolutely nothing for the R.

I am rambling here, sorry. I stated that once we settle the separation agreement that we have as much time as we need. I told her about our friends "Fred" and "Lisa" (not real names) who are leagally separated for 3 years now but not divorced. My W was surprised, I told her that "IF" we were to work on it that it would take a while, maybe over a year.

My W did not throw up the roadblock she normally throws up which is "I have to fix myself first, before I work on it with us". She said this on Sunday and I pushed back on her and said, "you won't work on us but yet you seek relationships with other men" she had no response, that was as hard as I have pushed in months.