My children are reeling from H moving out. I can't imagine any way that I could explain to them that they cannot have access to their father. I cannot imagine any way that I could make the situation worse for them. And it would become totally obvious that I was the one making that choice, which would also damage my R with them.
Hi Flowmom,
Let me clarify: I can't speak for Allen, but I wasn't advocating eliminating the children's access to their other parent, unless there is physical, emotional or drug or alcohol abuse or something going on. I was advocating for the betrayed spouse to go for primary custody of the children, rather than leave them primarily in the care of the cheating spouse, until such time that the cheating spouse started making more responsible (and less selfish) decisions.
As for my experience, that's all any of us really have to go on. But I will say, based on the MAJORITY (not all) of the situations that I have personally known, or read about on these and other forums, I would have the same opinion.
And it would become totally obvious that I was the one making that choice, which would also damage my R with them.