It hurts no matter who it is or how long it takes.

[ddstartingover]

I like this thread, and glad to see it. I agree that like most everything else that is unpredictable about the MLC'er, and especially since they have no concept of time, putting a "real" time-line together would be impossible.

As for my sitch, I've spent somet time wondering when my H's MLC actually began. I list the bomb date on my signature as 8/15/06 - the date I accused my H of having an A---which he quickly denied. I then spent a year and a half blaming the quickly declining state of our marriage on the fact that I accused my H of something HE would never do. I suspect at that point it was an EA, but will never know for sure----and it doesn't really matter because I know it advanced to a PA at some point. I didn't get the ILYBINILWY comment until much later --- probably January of '08. How long has my H been in MLC? I don't know. Has it already been 3.5 years, or has it been longer than that???? Less than that??? It doesn't REALLY matter. He will either come out of it or he won't. He will either go through with the divorce that he says he so desperately wants, or he won't. That is out of my control. There is only ONE thing that I can control----and that is ME (and I often fail with that one).

I will always wonder if things would be different if I would have "gotten it" sooner. But I am beginning to believe (as many have tried to drive it home to me) that this is more about my journey....and I'm slow.