Keep doing what works - what the books says - Respond to him - but don't initiate. Limit interactions
I really don't think that is what the author is saying. For example, the quote from Pearl said,
"Once you feel absolutely sure that this is so, you can test the waters by becoming more obvious about your desire to stay together. You can try discussing your future together and see what happens. If your spouse is receptive, you can continue to move forward slowly and begin to tackle the issues that drove you apart in the first place. If, on the other hand, you're met with reluctance, backpedal just as quickly as you can."
That hardly seems disinterested. That seems controlled and focused on the long-term.
If you can't see oncoming traffic, you're bound to get hit. If your H is making his way toward you, your eyes need to be fully open and aware. That means understanding, but not obsessing or smothering/pursuing.
