Who said not to think about or care about the WAS? Who?
We are not robots and we cannot erase somebody from our mind. It is possible to think and care for somebody without allowing them to dictate your life.
And when every inner action you have with a WAS turns into hours and hours of questions that *is* allowing somebody else to dictate your life and mind.
Too often very bad and emotionally destructive behavior is rewarded for the sake of the marriage. I do still love my H but he certainly was not going to be CELEBRATED (i.e. giving him care and compassion, being his emotional sounding board and not having him endure any consequences) when he left me, had an affair and destroyed our finances.
Flo's H has not even started to address his issues and he has no incentive to at this time as many excuses are made for him and there is *always* a reason. Nobody suggested to be an ass to him but Flo spends a ton of time listing her H's issues and how they *could* be resolved. And maybe one day they will but she will not be the catalyst to make that happen nor will her IC. It has to come from the individual.
Holding on to hope is one thing but when it becomes *all* you have then it is time to makes some changes. Like anything, hope has to be adjusted as the situation changes.
