Just want my H back

[pearlharbr]

Ok, trying to clarify.

If I were in your situation, I would go ahead and file now. Yes, it's making it easy for him because it's giving him what he wants without any effort on his part. He's a coward and should be manning up. If he wants a D then he should be the one to file. I was in the exact same predicament. BF is the one who wanted out but kept asking me if I wanted him to leave so he could place the responsibility for the breakup on me. When I got to the point when I was DONE I realized that I if I waited for BF to man up and end things then I might be sitting around in limbo for a long time. I didn't want to waste any more of my life on him so I made the choice to take control of the sitch.

Because you're moving across the country I think you can start your new life without having the paperwork done. You'll be in a new environment, meeting new people, hanging out with old friends. You will be, de facto, single. So if it's more important to you to let H take responsibility for ending the M by filing then just live your new life on your own and don't think about it. HOWEVER, if it's going to hurt you financially or if it's going to keep you emotionally wound up (How can I date while I'm still married? Today is our X anniversary. etc.) then file the papers.

IMHO, you need to file. I think you'll continue to be on an emotional roller coaster until you finalize things.