The only specific actions that you can take are for you.

Yes, this is a process and I understand (my gosh, do I ever!) that while the process is basically the same it is also individualized. For example.. I do not fully understand how difficult this must be to endure with two children because that is not my experience. I feel safe to say you can't fully understand what it is like to endure a divorce when a torrid affair is taking place and having to deal with very serious personal health issues. We certainly can empathize with one another and do our very best to see things through each other's eyes but other than that it can be difficult.

And this is my issue, I know, but I find it almost disturbing (in the best possible way if that makes sense) to read so many horrible situations and *really* understand how much you (general you, not you per say) want to change something but chances are it just won't happen as you want or hope.

It is VERY important to have personal and R goals. I guess I just find it upsetting (again, my issue) to see so many amazing people put so much stock in "things" that really add up to a whole lot of nothing at the end of the day.

All LBS need to find their own process but I suppose I just wish ALL LBS would stop including their WAS in that process as most of the time the WAS simply is not interested. I do not doubt at some point your H was a terrific husband and father but right now, despite your best (and amazing) efforts to find *some* good that person no longer exists.

It is VERY hard to remove the WAS from the equation. I think it is human nature to want to see the very best in people we loved/love and that is a GOOD thing to a degree but it also is a way to shield us from a painful reality.

And maybe this is plain silly of me and despite popular opinion I do NOT have a heart of stone ( smile ) but I really do see so many people putting the same stock in their WAS as I did. If things don't work out then you (again, general you) have really set yourself back just like I did!

It's a tough call and VERY easy for me to say "well, they just won't listen" but it's not that simple. I know that because I didn't listen! And maybe "listen" is not the right word.

While I am not sure how to articulate this without sounding nuts (and we may be past that point now, lol!) I suppose I feel the urge to protect EVERYBODY from all *this*.

This is a process but it is your process and trying to engage or include your WAS is pointless until he comes to you and says he is "all in". I do agree with Awoken that you are very compassionate (I was too) and really sometimes you have to pull back on the compassion for the WAS as it leaves them much too comfortable.

NONE OF THIS IS EASY. I must admit that Monday when My H texted me on my birthday my mind went to the "wicked place" when I realized he texted me during his lunch break instead of before work. Why didn't he text me before work? 'Cause I guess it is kind of hard to text your WIFE when you are waking up with your mistress. After two years *I* should know better than to allow my mind to go there. So yes, it is a process that is very ongoing and we ALL need to get through it on our own and not make the WAS a factor when they don't want to be because one or two years down the line you realize how much time you invested in that and how much time you didn't invest in you.

I guess (and again, this is my issue) I have a big problem when people are praised when they do things they are supposed to be doing.