My Goal- to allow W's fantasy to fall apart, to have her experience a crisis, and see OM fall from his perch
WRONG!!!
Your goal is to move on with your life. Maynard affair busting has gotten you nowhere. So, you break this affair apart... then you will need to start working on breaking the next one and the next one and so forth.
Your W is GONE. Protect yourself legally, make sure she honors the debt to your family and move on. If she comes running after you (which I doubt) then run faster than her because this creature is a parasite.
EDIT: Allen you're giving great advice here. I highly recommend you read through Maynard's entire sitch from the beginning (around Dec 09) and if you disagree with me.
Last edited by Gnosis; 02/23/1010:14 PM.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Last night I saw W for 1 min- I spoke to her back, she would not face me.
I saw FB pics of OM and she , and even MIL and OM hugging and having a great time. I have not seen MIL in a year, she lived at my house for 6 months rent free.
My M is over and I can move on now knowing that I did not cheat, lie, or give up on things.
There is nothing more to do than seek council, prepare for D and move on.
I will keep updates, but w/ NC and little concern about what STBX is doing, there will not be much other than my GAL's.
I do know that W's truest colors have come out and I doubt it has anything to do w/ not being in love. So it will only be a matter of time...
You all have been great, it would have been nice to bust a D here, but that will not happen in my sitch.
I don't know that I have ever posted to you, but have read along. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry that your wife has let your M and R evolve (or, better word, dissolve) to this...
HUGS and find a way for some peace and happiness.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Thanks for the hugs and for keeping up w/ my journey. I am deeply hurt but at least now I know where I stand and that any further effort physically or emotionally into my sitch is unnecessay and will only drain me further.
I know the process of W's disconnection was gradual, I know that every aspect of our R/M had aspects that were able to be addressed, and I know that a deep and meaningful R/M could have been salvaged.
The problem is that W did not see those things; and that is OK.
Gnosis.. i really dont' belive anyone should be telling someone when their marriage is over no...
You are correct. That was not my intention. I meant for Maynard to move on with his life by working on himself, rebuilding his self-esteem, GAL and 180's instead of spending his days obsessing over every minor detail and interaction with his WAW.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
I belive a person CAN protect oneself ANd fight an affair at the same time... I don't believe they have to be ounterprodutve to one another...
I believe the same.
Now for my 180 on the above and why he should move forward:
This woman has intentionally gone out and exposed his darkest secrets. She is filled with contempt and indecency. She has left him broke and has taken money from his parents -- money that deprives them of a comfortable life in their golden years. She has taken out an RO against him. She allowed OM1 to threaten him.
To top that off, the minute Maynard busted the affair with OM1 she already had OM2 lined up. From my understanding she has a history of some kind of addiction herself... OM2 is a drug user and living the high life. She is diving back into this lifestyle and will crash. No one can say when she will snap out of it. I don't wish ill on his WAW and hope she snaps out of it.
The best thing for Maynard to do is detach and look after himself. This way his state of mind will be free from his co-dependency and other issues that cloud it when she crashes. When that happens he will be able to make rational decisions to help her and take her back if he still wants her.
Last edited by Gnosis; 02/24/1002:44 PM.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Gno, you are absolutely correct. I had been focused on the A's from the very beginning. I will not beat myself up b/c I wasn't doing anything wrong- but my actions have helped expedite her flight- and that's OK too.
There is no telling if and when some type of crash will occur. I am 32 yo and W is 33 and OM is 41. I want no part in that type of night life/ bar scene.
aside from the blind date I went on, I am not at all interested in a R at this point in time.
And you shouldn't be. Right now your interest should be working on yourself. In your case part of that is also the validation that you're desirable to a member of the opposite sex. It does wonders for your self-esteem.
You have recovered from substance abuse and that my friend is a testimony to you being a survivor. It speaks loads of you, your integrity and resolve.
I hope you keep posting here or in another section of the site. You will have up and down days. There will always be someone here who will encourage you and keep you "straight".