My wife is perhaps the best mother, other than my own, that I have ever known. She ADORES her children, and always sacrifices her own needs and wants in favor of them, even to a fault. Quite simply, she would DIE for her kids.
During her affair, however, she changed:
- She would often go HOURS without contacting our sons, leaving them home alone (then aged 14 and 10) to fend for themselves, even going six hours or more with NOTHING to eat.
- Another time, our daughter -- then 18 -- tried to reach her mother's cellphone, calling her from her OB/GYN appt. where she was upset about some female stuff and needed her mom to talk to, and couldn't reach her for hours. I had to meet this same daughter for lunch one time, after turning up inappropriate communications between her and one of her high school teachers, and play "Mr. Mom" to her.
- My wife told her own mother to "get over it!" when she objected to her affair, my children hearing the whole conversation.
- She stayed out twice 'til 1 or 2 in the morning, including on the 4th of July, which had a previous family tradition of shooting off fireworks with our kids after coming back from watching the city's display downtown.
- She met up in darkened parking lots to make out (and worse) with her boyfriend -- my wife 47, her OM 28) -- in his truck.
- She neglected our sons' care on several occasions, and did almost NOTHING with them that entire summer, other than during a few brief (one week or less) stints of what I had called her "St. (Mrs. Puppy's first name)" routine.
Sorry, I'm with Allen on this one. Affairs alter the cheater's brain chemically, with all of the resulting changes in behavior. MB can certainly monitor the situation, and SEE how well her husband compartmentalizes his affair, and how it affects his parenting, but I see nothing wrong with removing children from the infidelity, for their protection, so long as it is explained to them in an age-appropriate way.
