I also think you are in a much better place, seeing things more clearly. However, I might offer the following suggestion. As I've tried to point out before, I don't think there are only two options for you here:
1. Continue to wait for her to come back 2. Divorce her
I think part of the issue is that she has enjoyed all of the benefits of divorcing you without any of the pain. As my counselor advised me, I think some ever increasing reality checking is in order. She needs to start experiencing some of the consequences of the choices she's made. I would:
-Don't put her on your insurance -Split all finances -Keep her IM off your phone (she's still off, right?) -No small talk or casual chit-chat -Communicate only about your kids and be brief. Not rude, but brief -Stop doing things together with your wife and her family for the girls -Don't speak badly of your wife. Your girls know the truth. -Don't file for divorce yet
Try this for a month or two and see what happens. She needs to see the downside of divorce before it's too late.
As far as your daughters are concerned, I think the happy "together" family life you have been trying to continue to portray will only hurt them in the long run. They will be fine in time. Be there for them.
Good luck, Kevin.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
