Sorry, to be more clear...the sexual thoughts would have happened whether I consciously chose them to or not. It is automatic.
The same way men are supposedly visual and "can't help" noticing a buxom or attractive or sexually suggestive women (or fill in the other blanks of women men "can't help" but notice...the answer is different for each man)...well, women "can't help" but be sexually attracted to an alpha male. Sorry guys! We just can't help ourselves! Yeah, he may be a jerk, he may never truly love us, he may be a horrible father, he may be someone we would never choose as a friend. But do we want him to take us in a totally masculine show of fluff and cocksure feathers? Hell yes, we do.
Most women might want what DQ describes as the alpha male, but not all. My wife was always turned off by what she describes as alpha male behavior. She's head of a department at work.
Yeah, I'm in the prefer alpha male in bed club. I DON'T prefer it at work though. Totally different situation.
Quote:
I understand that working for an alpha male is not something you would prefer.
Remember that women don't just work for men, but also with them, and as their supervisor. If the alpha were my boss, it would be easier to take. If I were his boss . . . I'd probably be firing his alpha a*s.
Quote:
Let's say however, for whatever reason you found yourself (not through choice) working for a tall, strapping, swaggering and competent alpha with a naughty grin on his face and slightly squinted eyes...
Swagger is a turn off. Slightly squinted eyes?!? - yuk. Nope, not getting me hot.
Quote:
Would you, as a woman think of him in a sexual way anyway?
Would that happen whether you wanted it to or not, i.e. would you really have any choice in the matter?
If a man is handsome, I will have an initial physical reaction to his body/face/voice whether he's alpha-ish, shy, gay, or whatever. That is automatic.
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I understand this may sound like a dumb question but as a man, I have no idea what it's like to live inside a woman's body.
The smart guys ask questions. The dumb guys think they've got it all figured out.
women "can't help" but be sexually attracted to an alpha male. Sorry guys! We just can't help ourselves! Yeah, he may be a jerk, he may never truly love us, he may be a horrible father, he may be someone we would never choose as a friend. But do we want him to take us in a totally masculine show of fluff and cocksure feathers? Hell yes, we do.
Please speak for yourself DQ, not for all women. I disagree with what you said above.
Your initial question was about 'alpha' behavior in the bedroom, not elsewhere. Kettricken said it well:
Originally Posted By: Kettricken
Yeah, I'm with Dudess. Give me an Alpha in the sack, and a partner everywhere else.
Thanks for the candid and honest responses Dudess and DQ.
This is very interesting:
Originally Posted By: Dudess
Remember that women don't just work for men, but also with them, and as their supervisor. If the alpha were my boss, it would be easier to take.
Originally Posted By: Dudess
If I were his boss . . . I'd probably be firing his alpha a*s.
What kind of behaviour would you expect from an alpha male who reported to you?
What specific alpha behaviours would he have to engage in order for you to drop the axe on him?
This story may or may not be relevant to DQ's thread. When I was 24 I took my first headhunting job in London and had a female boss. My word she was made of fire!
She once demanded that I drop some evening plans and stay to 10pm, after which I would have had to get a train home - the journey was 1� hours each way and after 8pm there was only one train leaving per hour or so. She had gone home at 5pm and I made sure I caught that 8pm train.
The following day she got wind of it, took me into a small meeting room, made me sit down whilst she stood up (I'm 6'4" and towered over her) and screamed at me. While she breathed for air I replied that I "made no apologies" for catching the last train and that if she felt she needed to fire me then I accepted that.
I was dismissed from the meeting and she was as nice as pie to me after that. I exceeded the company's expectations in performance and she was sad to see me go when I came to live in Australia.
That was nine years ago and I would defintiely handle things with more finesse now. I was prepared to lose that job and find a better one but it was her treatment of me afterwards which I found truly astonishing. Nowadays it wouldn't surprise me all that much.
Anyway, I'm really getting off topic!
Originally Posted By: Dudess
Swagger is a turn off. Slightly squinted eyes?!? - yuk. Nope, not getting me hot.
Great feedback. Thanks!
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
"Please speak for yourself DQ, not for all women. I disagree with what you said above.
Your initial question was about 'alpha' behavior in the bedroom, not elsewhere."
Dudess...
1. I AM speaking for myself. I may say "we can't help it" but I'm just being silly and sarcasitc.
2. I AM just speaking about in bed. The man I'm describing who I would be sexually attracted to but who may be a horrible man/father/partner, is NOT someone I'd want to marry...just someone who I'd want to rock my world.
DQ
(lucky for me, my man is the sexually attractive alpha type but is also a great person and not a "big dumb jerk")
Hmm, this thread adressed a question I've been getting at in my own. I've never been the alpha-male/pursuing type with (x)W other than the 'rare occasion'. And now that we're near reconcilled, the only complaint is that she has practically begged me to be. Maybe not alpha male, but certainly more aggressive. I fear if I don't, she'll may back to OM or find another one if I don't come up with something.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
This seems to be quite common. MrsGGB, I've found, responds a whole lot better if I exhibit alpha male behavior in the bedroom. A whole lot better. It still feels very uncomfortable to me though.
I am 33 years of age and didn't learn to drive until I was 30 years old. Very un-alpha male I know!
Here in Australia I drive around with green P (provisional) plates on my car which is usually the preserve of 19 and 20 year olds, and my mates make fun of me for it. So what?
Originally Posted By: GonnaGoBlind
This seems to be quite common. MrsGGB, I've found, responds a whole lot better if I exhibit alpha male behavior in the bedroom. A whole lot better. It still feels very uncomfortable to me though.
Driving used to feel terribly uncomfortable for me. My wife would be sat next to me and I would fail at trifling things like reverse parking, lane changing, turning at intersections etc. It was excruciatingly embarrassing but I persevered.
I'm so glad I did! Driving is now very natural and comfortable for me, but I could have gone my entire life without ever learning how. That would actually have been the more comfortable and easier option.
I had to learn the alpha male attitude and behaviours from scratch too but that's a whole other story and it was a long time ago now. But again, it's now very natural and comfortable for me and I couldn't imagine being any other way now. Too much positive feedback in the form of a sexually receptive wife .
You will become more and more comfortable with being an alpha male the more you do it, not just in the bedroom but in life generally. You will be a much happier man for it.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I would like to make a quick distinction about alpha-ness...
IMO, a man doesn't have to actually BE an alpha male to exhibit alpha male BEHAVIOR. He doesn't have to be the biggest, or the richest, or the top of his profession, or the smartest, or the best at anything...he just has to BEHAVE as if he is the best HE can be at being HIMSELF. He needs to behave as if he knows he is deserving of a good woman, and of good sex. He should be confident. He should rely upon his own strengths, knowing he will get through any adversity. He should be able to see himself as a winner. He should know within himself that he can show a woman a good time in bed, and then be able to execute that truth.
Behavior that is not alpha-male-ness can be a huge turn off. This would include: wanting a woman to call the shots or wear the pants or tell him how to behave. Wanting a woman who is in control of the situation. Or letting a woman control the situation because he has no idea how to lead, so he feels it is easier to let her lead as she seems to be good at it. Feeling insecure about other men, in professional life or in his sex life. Feeling insecure about his prowess.
Then there is another distinction, which is that many men can learn how to behave dominantly in the bedroom only. There are many non-alpha behaving men who have learned how to be sexually dominant as part of their sex life. In my experience, men like this are rarely going to exhibit true alpha-behavior and therefore, they might be a fun time for a woman who is into being dominated in bed...but most women aren't really looking to be totally dominated. That is usually just a sexual choice of lifestyle for a woman, and not what the average woman wants. (Again, this is all coming from my own experience and opinions...not speaking for anyone else here, just talking about women I've known and my own life).
I think most women would enjoy being dominated slightly sometimes (ie: pushed up against the wall, spanked, or told "what to do" in a sexual situation, hair pulling, etc), but are not going to be into that all the time, every time. Instead, I think most women just enjoy knowing their man is capable of exhibiting this type of raw sexuality - even if he isn't into that himself all the time. Being able to exhibit it shows alpha male behavior.
Being UNABLE to exhibit a bit of rough play in the bedroom usualy tells me as a woman that a man will not be able to exhibit other alpha male behaviors....and its the overall alpha behaviors that will be (for me) the long term turn on.
