Tonight I have faced that this is probably over. Obviously h is not wearing his wedding ring and is filing for legal sep. I don't know why he hasn't filed for D but I'm sure he doesn't want to come back. I'm facing it and letting it go - no matter how deeply this hurts. He obviously cannot accept things that happened in our past and does not trust me. He does not seem interested in rebuilding trust. I'm going dark. When he comes over tomorrow, I'm staying away. I am going to give him what he wants because I love him.
Well perhaps I'm just finally letting go. You're right Freckle - I don't have to make a decision. I just have to keep on the path I'm on - which is one of self respect. Going to keep up the not taking bait theme - and the walking away with or without S when he gets abusive. And, I'm going to go a bit dark like I said because I want to pull back and really let him have his freedom to think this through, look at himself instead of blaming me, and realize he must treat me better.
Thank you for being with me folks.
found a great website by the author of "Love Must BE Tough" = now I want to read the book! Reconfirms the DB principles...
Sorry things have taken a rotten turn for you. Haven't really been on much to keep tabs, apologies again. If I remember correctly, I don't think you two have had enough "away time". Either way, you're on the right approach, do what you need for you and let him have what he thinks he wants. IF it's meant to be, then he'll get the picture and change his ways.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
You're right Freckle - I don't have to make a decision. I just have to keep on the path I'm on - which is one of self respect. Going to keep up the not taking bait theme - and the walking away with or without S when he gets abusive. And, I'm going to go a bit dark like I said because I want to pull back and really let him have his freedom to think this through, look at himself instead of blaming me, and realize he must treat me better.
I think this frame of mind is going to work for you...hugs.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I think he's getting to see you and keep tabs on your still wanting him too often given his level of ambivalence and lack of commitment. He's getting to hang out and "date" you with S at the house in the evenings when he feels like it but give and commit to nothing but bitch sessions at MC.
The problem is I don't trust him around S5. The past few times I have left him alone with S5, was in the morning getting ready for school. I laid in bed to get an extra hour but inevitably have to go in there and protect S from H's anger. So I have to be in the house. On the other hand, I have been asked to be in a play and if I accept I would be leaving S with H at night. Nights go better than mornings, so it may work. I may ask H to still come nights I am home and just have my parents babysit when I'm rehearsing nights so not to leave H alone with S.
I was nervous all day - my panic attacks were back hadn't had them in a few months. Partly because signing legal separation papers now, partly this hard week of boundary setting, partly because of the blow up on Monday.
I mentally prepared myself - went over and over again what I would say or do to set a boundary with H tonight. Waffled all day about whether I should stay in another part of the house or be friendly.
Then H comes home sweet as pie, still feeling bad about Monday. He brings us homemade pastries. I told him I might be taking S for a couple of days away and said he couldn't blame me for not being around him after Monday. This goal of him being remorseful is starting to take!
I tried to get through dinner with S before H came home so I could retreat, but he was early.
So I've done my chores, talked a little business with H - money and scheduling - and am going to retreat to the back room. It is hard to do when I want to take advantage of his nice attitude. But I don't want to be swayed from my resolve, so I'm retreating anyhow.
He is going to hear my boundaries on Monday at MC and until then I am thankful that he is being relaxed around S. If he's too nice to me I'll just get my hopes up again and I don't want to do that. I need to pull back and stick to it. It's the only self respecting thing to do.
He knows you're there for him at this point. It's obvious. He has the option to move towards you. And he has two legs to walk on to do it with. How's that for my tough love of the evening?
