I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Quart9]

Thank you crushed.

problems exhibited by the wandering/misbehaving spouse are partly our responsibility. They do these things because they're not getting their needs met, for attention, because we didn't make our own needs clear in the beginning, etc.

I just think we should temper our anger with a bit of realism. You both let things slide to the point where you sit today.

I agree and I see your point. I still love her and my anger is happening in waves. I see the mistakes I have made and I own up to the role I have played in all of this. I am trying to educate myself on what I need to change, improve myself, and make my part of the problem better.

Remember your best day with your wife? The best of those days when she was young and pretty and you were totally in love? If you could go back to that best day and you found her in the middle of a dangerous or disastrous situation, would you have risked your own health and safety to save her?

Man, please don't make me remember those days -haha! Yes, I would have risked life and limb for her - and here's the sad thing - if she were to call me right now, or in the middle of the night tonight, and tell me she was in trouble and needed help I would not hesitate to help her.

When I think about forgiveness I analogize it to this: I remember the day I got married. I went into the whole thing knowing that I may someday go through Hell for this woman. I've been through Hell. I don't know if I can rescue that girl (who is stuck inside the woman she grew into) but that's what I promised and I owe it to her (the girl I gave the ring to) to try.

This is a very nice thing you have said here. I know in your sitch you have been through a really tough time and you have been stronger than I'm sure I could have been - I wish your W could recognize how lucky she is to have you.

I can relate to what you are saying. However, in my sitch forgiveness has to come from both of us. She feels I have wronged her by my lack of action and by not properly playing my role as a partner to her - and I understand my errors. She is unwilling to forgive me though. I would love to be able to forgive her and throughout the day today I've been searching inside myself to see if I can. My own convictions make this tough because of the lies, betrayal, and infidelity on her part. Our road to hell has two lanes.

She feels like she has found someone else that can make her happy and she has made it clear to me that she doesn't plan to give me a chance or that this will change. It is tough for me to accept this, but I feel like I don't have a choice.