I wrote this many years ago; and find that although there is a disclaimer at the top; somehow that gets skipped, LOL!!
All it was ever intended to do was to provide a deeper understanding of the stages of MLC; the timelines weren't accurate, and I've stated many times the timeline wasn't accurate; even when I wrote it.
Each person is different, as each MLC is different. My own didn't even run anywhere near those timelines, and mine lasted SIX YEARS, scaring my husband half to death. I laugh now, thinking about it; poetic justice..husband goes through MLC..then wife follows suit! I can guarantee you he felt what I'd felt, and though I didn't make the mistakes he made, I STILL had to go through and come out.
As far as hurting, no matter how long it takes; I would heartily agree with that assessment, but, on the other hand, somewhere along the line, the growing must begin and the healing must also begin; leaving the pain and the hurt behind...and that's on a different timetable for each individual.
There's also pain that occurs within the MLC'er going through, believe me, I've been there, too.
The first step toward healing is ACCEPTANCE...accepting that this has happened, somehow integrating the events into your lives, and beginning to heal...it may occur in stages; or at the end...again each person is different in their time within their own journeys.
Staying stuck in the past, guarantees you'll have no future; so in order to go forward; you must grow, become stronger, learn, accept and heal.
This is how I feel about the whole thing; I've been where you are, came through, and came out on the other side; becoming whole and changed for the rest of my life...and if I can do this, so can all of you.
The fact that my marriage made it through doesn't make any difference in what I faced as an individual on a journey toward wholeness; each person must complete their journey, regardless of whether the marriage comes through or not.
We each face this journey alone; without anyone but GOD to see us through; and we find that we CAN go on with our lives in spite of all that happens or breaks down.
Just as we find the strength to go on when we lose our loved ones, we'll find that SAME type of strength to see us through the most terrible of life's storms.
In that process..... We learn to grow, we learn to love, we learn to connect; we learn compassion...and the list continues. But most of all, we learn about OURSELVES, where WE made mistakes in our lives, where WE must change, where WE must learn many other things that make up what we will and will not tolerate. We gain serenity, strength, patience, love, and so many other tools that carry us through the rest of our lives.
We pass on that learning to others; as we weren't meant to keep it all to ourselves; helping other people who come after us.
And as we help others, that also helps the healing process.
Much love to you all, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
I can guarantee you he felt what I'd felt, and though I didn't make the mistakes he made, I STILL had to go through and come out.