I do not feel you are understanding my points so it seems like it will only cause a conflict if we continue.
I understand you love your H and no matter what the outcome is he will always be the father of your children. But love isn't enough when somebody has deep seeded problems that are not addressed and one compensates for the problems the other person has.
There is one phrase that is intolerable to me. And that is the phrase "worn down". I won't listen to it and if I see it in a post I never read that thread again. When you are "worn down" you can deal with it or run. Once you run, handing over money or acting 'decent' to make a separation easier should not be celebrated IMO. Those are the very basics and a husband and father (or wife and mother depending on the situation) is obligated to do more than the mere basics.
It is necessary for ALL of us to be challenged as we rarely can see what others see (based on the info provided) when we are in the thick of our own situation.
You are awfully tough on yourself (and you should be!) but you need to be equally as tough on your H. Just remember, he is the one with the quiet apartment, with FAR LESS childcare responsibility to tend to and not having to go through the trauma the LBS is forced to face. Big deal, so he goes to work each day... most adults do! All his "traumas" had solutions yet he chose not to participate.
Generally speaking when a LBS starts to realize they need to be just as tough on the WAS as they are themselves life gets better for the LBS. You stop caring and nitpicking and searching for clues and making excuses and realize there is NOTHING you can do except work on you and eliminate any "work" towards the WAS until they are ready to participate and show ample and concrete effort. Anything less is meaningless IMO for the marriage, not parenthood.
