flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

CG, I'm reading what you've written with as open a mind as I can muster.

I guess my thoughts are:

In the past few years, H has shown poor judgement and been a selfish jerk to me in some ways. He's also been a wonderful father and he's busted his a$$ to provide for his family.

If you want to talk about the present, H is doing what he can to minimize the impact of the separation on me and the children, and doing a much better job than many WAH fathers are doing from what I've read here on the forum. While racked with guilt, H is still being as honourable as possible given his choice to leave.

Have his poor behaviours been consistent with the clinical depression that he has had? IMO, yes. Do I make excuses for him? I guess I do, because I know that his mind is not well. I know that he is detached from the reality that others see. Understanding and acceptance have been necessary for my mental health. I really have had no control over him or his choices. Some people will just do what they want to do and you can take it or leave it. I chose to take it because I love him, because he did not violate my core boundaries, and because he is the father of my children.

Is the man who I still love with all my heart still inside the shell that H hides in? I don't know and you're right to challenge me to consider the possibility that H's character has irreversibly changed for the worse.

With two children in common however, there is no future for me without H being a huge part of it. I owe it to myself, to the love of my life, and to my children to figure out if being happily married is a possibility for us.