How do I expose the affair

[Allen A]

Also, I haven't read anything in this thread that would justify mb telling anyone let alone social services that "H is an emotional danger to his children". Did I miss something?? And no, the A is not a good enough reason for that. I'm sorry but this advice appalls me, even though I know that it is well-intentioned.

I honeslty think an affair IS agood enouh reason to NOT expose children to a wayward spouse.. It's not just the cheating, its all the emotional drama and negative energy that an affair summons up when it is brought into the home.. and affairs DO enter most homes, they don't just exist on the outside of the door.

I am sorry if you find taking children away from a wayward spouse that terrorizes their home with a sordid sexual affair and imlied threats of abaondonment appaling, but I find the former appaling... which is worse? The affair or protecting a family from one by separating the wayward spouse from that family?

It's an ugly solution for an uglier problem.

Does mb descending to the level of her H in lying and cheating truly help her? What example does that give to the children?

Protecting your home and family is not descending to a level of a cheat and a liar no. The example that it gives to children is that they don't deserve to be exposed to households in emotional turmoil, and that there IS someone out there that respects a qualility home and will not allow a household to be threatened in the way that waywards terrorize their families.

The message it sends is that infidelity is a horrible crime to a community and is NOT tolerable. I honeslty think that messaeg is long over due.

I'm just not getting this. The end does not justify the means when a whole family is at stake here. The children are the innocent parties and mb and her H need to make them the priority.

Wayward spouses do NOT recognize the meaningof priority when they invest an increasing amount of time into a predator to their home... lying to their children's motehr, threatening to walk out on the whole family because of some passing sexual excitement catches their troubled attention for a short time.

mb's husband is NOT acting the role at the moment. Sorry to say this but wayward spouses in teh heat of affairs are as much a danger to thier home as any other addict is... Its a sad situation I know, but going soft on affairs isn't going to end them.. I have NEVER seen that solution work in I don't know how many years reading about them and the horrible things they do to homes and the children that live there...

I would more than anything love to see a wayward spouse wake up and get their act together so tehy can be a satisfactory mate and guardian to children, but the behaviour I read about on these forums and in case studies in text books just makes me have to draw an ugly line.. an ugly line between children, abandoned spouses, and the confused and angry spouse that torments them on a regular basis with their deluded fantasies...

Infidelity is not a love story, and its about time adults that pursue this fantasy faced the reality that they have no busienss raising children in that world or forcing them to be exposed to it in any way.