I looked at stbxw, and was very surprised that the feeling that I did not think she was that attractive passed through me
Same here. That same revelation hit me a couple of months back. And not just on a physical level: her actions, values, priorities, her personality, loss of decency, etc.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac