my dad told me over the weekend that he has pretty much given up on my H. that just about killed me. there is no one on earth i admire and respect more than my dad. he did tell me he's proud of the way i've been handling all this and my positive outlook and attitude, but...it still breaks my heart to think he's given up on my M. my own father thinks D would be better than staying married to my H. he said he would support whatever we decided to do, but...those words will ring in my ears for a long time.
briefly talked with my H this morning via text and email. he texted at 6:45 this am to wish me luck with my work events this week...put a smile on my face to know he's thinking about me before i even wake up.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
Pretend he said that he wants you to work on your M and that he has high hopes, would you feel bad if it didn't work out? Maybe a little more failure?
I can't say that your dad is feeling that, but he might just want to say he doesn't want you feeling like you failed when your H has done some stuff that has made him worry.
TTA, Don't worry about what your dad said - I KNOW that's easier said than done. My parents have been wonderful - supporting me fighting for my marriage this whole time. They are encouraging me to keep at it - even though I'm getting to the end of my rope. My sister OTOH, said she would never forgive H. The entire family will always have their opinions.
You are doing well and you just keep that up. Don't let anyone distract you. The things you are doing now will be the best thing for you in the long run - with or without H.
Its good H is thinking of you.... just protect your PMA... No Expectations!!!
T
Last edited by talia; 02/23/1004:21 PM.
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
H texted again first thing this morning to wish me luck with my work events...so that felt good and got my day off to a decent start. it IS nice that he's thinking of me, talia. we may get together on thursday, but nothing solid. either way i have lots of plans for the weekend and leave for my service trip a week from saturday.
it's strange the cycle of emotions that you go through in dealing with all of this. sometimes i am so lonely and sometimes i feel totally ok with living alone and actually enjoy having my own space. sometimes i think i can keep up my hope for months and months and fight to save my M. sometimes i think why on earth should i even bother when this is the 3rd time he's left? i know everyone on this site goes through these emotions and it is helpful just to be able to share them with others who know exactly how i feel.
H has another appointment with his IC tomorrow. and he did text me last night to say he hoped i'd had a good day. i feel like i'm in a very weird situation where my H and i don't live together but we still talk every day, he still reaches out to me in some way every day. part of TLR technique is going dark, but how do i not respond when he's just texting or emailing to check in and wish me luck or offer support? should i not be responding at all or would that give him the wrong impression since he's clearly reaching out?
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
In some ways I'm in the reverse situation, but it's a rollercoaster for me, too. The only difference is the feeling of being a 'little' more in control.
Question: Is your communication and level of 'connection' better now that it has been in the past few times you patched things up post-break up?
i feel like we are connecting on a different, deeper level. in the past, my H would initiate a break up, then leave, then come barreling back a few weeks later. this time he is cautious and has still not decided what he wants in terms of our M. previously when he was in this state, he wanted me back the second he missed me. it seems that this time he is at least genuinely trying to understand the root of his emotions and has told me that he looks forward to seeing his IC again this week.
he's called me just to talk. he's called me when he's had a rough day and just needed to share it with someone. when he does call, he sends a text or email the next day to thank me for talking with him or having dinner with him. i don't know if it's a good zone to be in, but i feel like he's confiding in me...which is odd, because i'm sort of the "cause" of the problems/hurt, and yet, he's still reaching out.
so it does feel different this time. less like a train barreling through. more like a slow down and proceed with caution.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
So then why think about the last resort? I'm in his shoes somewhat, and my W deciding to let go and move on meant I no longer knew if I was important enough to her. That meant me moving on was easier.
Now, she is much closer, despite her huge fears of being cut loose. For me, I'm trying to find out if I can make love where it has never been.
Your husband has different issues, but knowing that you are inviting him in isn't the same as just knowing the door is open for now. Even in LRT, doesn't Pearl's posted quote mention that it could take months?
because i'm sort of the "cause" of the problems/hurt, and yet, he's still reaching out.
Whoa...forgot about this...don't blame yourself alone! My W's self-esteem/depression issues have been a real hurt and yes, had it not been I MAY have developed love a long time ago. Then again, maybe not. Also, my overreactions and lack of attention to her have made things much worse.
We are both on the ship - to sink, or swim. If we sink, we pray. The coast guard comes and we get reeled in to improve our live and live by God's messengers.
because i'm sort of the "cause" of the problems/hurt, and yet, he's still reaching out.
Whoa...forgot about this...don't blame yourself alone!
i'm not blaming myself here, OTM. just meant that our M was the thing in his life causing all this hurt and strife, yet he still feels like he can call me up and talk to me about it. it's weird because i feel like i should be the one person he doesn't want to talk to right now. i do not at all blame myself for the situation we're in. i know we both had a hand in getting to this point and i acknowledge my responsibilities and behaviors that were less than favorable...but i by no means accept all the blame here.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
Maybe because your M also gave him many things he holds and will hold valuable each day of his life, and you are the person holding his heart strings...
