Thanks all, and no, flowmom, I won't ignore you!

Thoughts:
If I do the tear-down/build--that feels very permanent. A big choice to stay, having put so much of myself into what would be a very special place.

And I might in a year or two, as this settles out, decide I do want something entirely different in work, life, place to live.

So perhaps better to buy a decent place that I can deal with, but not invest so much emotionally?

Came to this decision today: Deciding to buy a house in my town or the other town (call my town V and the other B) DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A BIG SYMBOL!! Oooh, Aver STAYED in V to GRIN and BEAR IT!!!! or...oooh, Aver RAN AWAY to B because she couldn't hack it in V! It will just be whatever town offers the best house/living sitch.

Processed with my banker/facilitator friend: Found a $ amount that hopefully my heart/head/pride can live with:
1/2 equity (duh)
1/2 capital equipment (fridge, w/d, stove, lawnmower, all of which I paid half of, and would need to replace in a new house)
Cost of moving (not gonna load up all my friends' Suburus!)
Furnishings: dishes, some furniture, odds and ends of setting up a household.
AND--1/2 the rental income for 5 years.

The house is a boon to whomever gets it--the rents cover most of the cost of living there. It will be a huge financial loss to go from that to coughing up mortgage/taxes, etc., on my own.

So part of asking for much $ is possibility of buying a duplex so I have that rental income again.

I have a meeting with my L on Thursday and we'll look at "next steps."

RE: X's furniture. There's really not a lot I can do about it. There is a huge china cabinet; one table that I am using; the beautiful bookcases that he built last year (took all my books out). Coffee tablet that he made, that I use. I stuffed the smaller stuff into his closet. Bought my own couch, end tables, lamps. Re-arranged the study to allow the roomie (so great to have company!) to have a bedroom. The stuff really does not bother me. Last night I took all the pictures of us that I had just stuffed in a drawer, and burned them. Love having a woodstove! And I think I will just keep the frames and matting...one day I will have new great pictures to put in them.

Sorry, this post is too long to read. I will make another one.