I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[crushed_v95]

Quart9:

I echo Sweet Cyborg. A spouse is supposed to be a partner, a trusted friend, someone we can rely on no matter what. You have my total and unconditional support.

That said...

I know you're not going to want to hear this, but in many cases (including mine) problems exhibited by the wandering/misbehaving spouse are partly our responsibility. They do these things because they're not getting their needs met, for attention, because we didn't make our own needs clear in the beginning, etc.

I'm not telling you to take your wife back or siding with any one at all. It sounds like a very horrible tragedy. I just think we should temper our anger with a bit of realism. You loved her once. She must have been pretty awesome at one time. You both let things slide to the point where you sit today.

Remember your best day with your wife? The best of those days when she was young and pretty and you were totally in love? If you could go back to that best day and you found her in the middle of a dangerous or disastrous situation, would you have risked your own health and safety to save her?

You took her back once - do you think you would do it again (if your anger and resentment were to cease). ?

When I think about forgiveness I analogize it to this: I remember the day I got married. I went into the whole thing knowing that I may someday go through Hell for this woman. I've been through Hell. I don't know if I can rescue that girl (who is stuck inside the woman she grew into) but that's what I promised and I owe it to her (the girl I gave the ring to) to try.

My problem is that my time is running out. I'm losing myself in the process, and I have kids who need me more than she does (let's face it, she's a grown woman and can leave Hell any time she decides to). Otherwise I'd hope I would still give it my all.

My way isn't your way. It's just the way I see it.