My fear of D and being alone has stopped me from being strong and standing up for myself. I think I'm finally ready to say enough is enough with him. I still don't want D, however if that is what he chooses, I know I will be ok.
I look at my sitch as H wants D. H keeps threatening D. H actually does very little toward that end other than the HUGE GLARING RED FLAG of OW. Ball is in my court.
I've decided for my own sanity to lob it back at him, hopefully hitting him in the head, jarring some sense into him. I don't want D, but am tired of threat hanging in the air. And like you, I know, with every ounce of my being that regardless of the outcome, I will be happy, complete and not broken by him.
I'm trying to really make H aware of that last statement. It appears that the clearer that becomes to H, the more he doubts himself / fantasyland / OW. He's not talking, so this is purely speculative on my part. But on some level, you just know.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
You know what guys? I was in the afraid to stand up club too. Ruined...Mb...I have watched this man deny a "friendship" (just found this out a couple weeks ago btw) and I knew in my heart all along that there was an EA/OW.
Everyone has been giving me 2x4's about what I'm going to do. I wasted time "trying understand him" and being supportive when I should have just went with my heart and threw him out 2 months ago!...BUT I was scared and didn't wanna push a D.
Can't be scared anymore. Now he is blatantly texting her and has no regard for our family. He never calls while out of town and has disprespected not only me but my kids too.
So....guess it's time to say what the hell right? What can he do...D me? How unlucky I would be...to lose a cheating husband!
Like Robx says, "do not go against reality"....and the reality is my H doesn't care about me.
Luv
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
This is my plan, it's not much different then above but I wanted advice on it anyway.
If he brings up M or D talk I plan on saying "It's not going to work as long as you don't think it will and your relationship with OW is hurting me, you and the rest of the family. It's obvious to everyone that you care more about her then you do me or your family" Then I will walk away.
If he doesn't bring up M or D, then I'm going to lay low and not say a word to him until he does.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
(A) your H has already filed for divorce as per the info in your signature line. You are reaching the one month mark on the filing so I would think (?) legally you will be required to respond in some manner pretty soon.
(B) Do not tell him what WON'T work as he already knows that.
(C) Anybody in an affair puts their spouse/family in the secondary slot while the affair is going on. Telling the cheater what is "obvious" is a waste of time.
If he brings up the D tell him your attny will handle it. If he brings up the M keep your boundaries. A M cannot exist with THREE people so talking about it while an affair is ongoing is moot.
I was thinking along the same lines. I would agree with him if he brought it up and if he doesn't lay low and keep lining up my guns (f*ck the ducks) for battle.
It sounds like an ok plan for now. I mean we'll see what the big guys that stop by and say...like Pup, Rob and maybe even G.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
thanks, your right it all depends on what he brings up. If it's M I will say what I planned. If it's D, I will tell him to send me the papers (I will correct that in my signature). If he say's nothing, I will ignore him.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
When I got home last night, my H was asleep. I woke him up and he left without a word, which was nice. Not even hi or bye. I was prepared with what I would say if he brought up M or D so in a way I was disappointed I didn't get to say what I wanted too. However, I know I will get the chance soon. He looks so run down and I know it's because he stays up to visit her until after midnight (I know this from his mom) and then has to get up at 5:30 am to go to work. Honestly, how long does he think he can keep this up?
There should be NC with today. However, I will see him tomorrow, which is my bday and his night with the kids. He has his IC tomorrow night so I was planning on staying home to watch the kids for him while he went. But I'm thinking of asking him if I can have his night with the kids since it's my bday. And telling him I would rather not see him at all on that day. What do you think?
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
