Ruined... if your H chooses his affair then what comes next is the dissolution of your marriage. Plain and simple. Not easy but the best way to go.
They may or may not have lifelong consequences for that choice and if they do have any consequences (more than the short term ones of exposure, asset loss, loss of full custody, legalities) chances are you won't ever know it. And eventually you will have to learn to be okay with that.
But no, anybody that tries to be friends with a WAS that cheated is really foolish IMO.
