I would coordinate WITH the FT on the ultimatims. This affair-bsuting is giong to ahve a LOT more impact if yu are organized and keep in contact wiht the FT... work WITH them rather than separately... the two of you together can fight your husband and his affair much better than the two of you alone...
AND if you try to do this independent of a good FT, you may do something counterproductive to their efforts.. if you have someone workting WITH you to fight for your marriage, you REALLY need to keep in close contact with them and compare notes carefully so you aren't stepping on toes or UNDOING someone else's had work...
COMMUNICATE with ANY and ALL people working actively to support your marriage... ORGANIZE them like a family... dont' do this in a tunnel w/o knowing what the FT is working or what angle she's taking with your H.. its just shooting blind..