My H was also one of those who never left home. However, in some ways I think it's a really good thing that they leave. While they're "at home," they're completely mentally gone, and are constantly putting up defenses against you, from angry outbursts, to going out of their way not to touch you, to making sure they're away "for work" all week, or out all evening with things, to sleeping all day on the weekend to avoid contact--everything screams "we have nothing to do with each other." Because they're too depressed to have a healthy relationship with the children, the children suffer a lot while they're home from being ignored, criticized or being drenched in anger.
It seems worse that they've left, but it actually gives the LBS a break from all that negativity, allowing them to develop their equilibrium. It also gives them the opportunity to show their "new, improved" selves to the WAS for the short periods of time they have contact. Even if it doesn't show, the WAS will take notice of all changes. Plus, the WAS learns more quickly that being alone is NOT bringing happiness. Leaving home seems like a definitive step away, but their overwhelming desire to run is not at all different from that of the stay-at-home MLCer. Either kind are like birds receiving the autumn call to migrate in every fibre of their being; my H said it was closely tied to a call to wrap himself around a tree.
I think they are more likely to leave if an OP is involved and "promises" happy times. The result is the same. My H leaving, was the best thing that could happen at that time. No eggshells walking, no fear, no feeling hostage of his moods in my home. And he had to face some consequences. Unfortunately those were the kids' emotional state. But, the OW started pushing, he had to answer to others why he left, realised -I hope- our life wasnt that bad after all. K
