Something on my mind recently-----when H and I had trouble (minor issues) in the past, I treated him with silence (which he HATED---but usually got his attention). It is NOW just occurring to me that all of my attempts to go dark and NC have probably just seemed like more of the same to him......and I've wondered if that was all wrong for me.......just a thought.
That was me, too, Pre-MLC.
But MLC changes things; and he is not thinking of what's contained in your joint past; in fact his WHOLE thinking process has changed for now. He's not remembering the recent marital past right now, anyway...he's remembering a time long before; where you were not in his life...and you're no more than a total stranger to him. That's why he looks at you as if he doesn't know you, and resents your "intrustions" in his life...you know where you are supposed to be, but he doesn't recognize you at all. I've actually SEEN this happen..and I'll wager you have too.
You're trying to figure out how to make things easier on not just you, but him too...and it's not working..so you're still analyzing for a way. Can't do that for long...you'll find yourself running in circles...been there, done that.
You're still blaming yourself for what he does in reaction to you, but that's NOT true...this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Once you get the above statement, some things should become more clear to you. And you will, as you continue to ask questions...that's how you get answers.
You also have to remember where he's at in relation to where you are at...you're sane, he's insane.
And that is SO hard to get your head around.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
