If she's down in the basement, does that mean you have the children to take care of, getting them ready for bed, etc.? I suppose cleaning up the kitchen after you cook dinner, doing the laundry, etc., is your job, as well? If this is what's happening, then it should have been stopped a long time ago. Working women/mothers everywhere could say they needed down time, but are not allowed that privilge. To make matters worse....she is making you feel guilty b/c she's using "you" as her excuse. That's got to hurt. The two of you are just in the same building, you aren't in the same office all the time where you are looking at each other all day, right? I would question a woman who thinks seeing her H before work a few minutes and during the lunch break as being too much time together and needing "space".
Maybe I am being too hard on her, but she is beginning to sound like a spoiled brat. She needs to take on responsibilities of being a mother in addition to career woman.....b/c that was her choice, was it not? Doesn't really matter if it was a choice or not b/c that's what her life should demand from her. If she has a job or if she's a parent.....she's got to do the work.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
