Acceptable contact while GD?

[koliver0821]

I know how your feeling man. Im not in the same boat since I currently live and sleep in the same bed with my wife. However, the separation and our coinciding depression has created doubts in her. She doesnt know if she will ever feel better.

Im still very excited to hear her talk about the future. Its always we (im assuming she means me and the kids). Im just worried that the depression is caused by her inability to reciprocate love for me. Before this separation, I was confident that she loved me. Apparently, she always doubted my love for her. I never realized that.

In your situation, forgiveness is gift you give yourself. My wife had an Affair several months before the ILYB and need for space conversation. she didnt reveal the affair right away. in the past, i told her that if she ever cheated on me, that it would be over. I guess I underestimated my own love for her. My mantra is to love unconditionally. Its amazing how easy it was to forgive her for the affair. (Mostly emotional. though they did kiss and got caught by friends of the OMW.)I think the hard part for me will be living with the insecurity that the ILYB speech planted inside me.

My wife has said the same things. She doesn't like who she is. She feels lost or not connected. I think she is surprised at how much I love her. She asked me why I love her even after all the terrible things she has done to me. I truly believe the forgiveness is spiritual. I don't think its a coincidence that I was able to forgive my wife after renewing my ties to the Church. Those comments are here feelings. You can't change her feelings but you can accept her for having those feelings. Its at these times that we have to be the caretaker. Unfortunately for me, I had to be broken down to the core before I could build myself up. I truly believe your wife is at that point. Now its time to support her and get past your own hurt. By loving her despite the PA and who she is will help her get past her depression.