WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

McQueen-

At one point in January she told me that she wanted to start taking steps to move out - seeing a mediator, etc. The timing of this was after I contacted OM's 'roomate' (mother of his kid) just before Christmas to tell her what I knew about their relationship. Right after 1st of year she started talking about taking concrete steps to leave (she had been looking around for rentals for months but never did anything).

Financially, it would be a disaster if she did it before May/June, plus I didn't want to disrupt the kids before the end of school.

I know why she is leaving - it is to be 'free' to be with OM. In her mind separation = OK to have a boyfriend and no more sneaking around. I made a practical decision - I figured if I give her what she wants for a few months she would hold off on leaving and we leave kids alone for a few more months and I get started in my new job (lots of travel) and get money situation in order.

I told her:

"We can be roommates like you have wanted for the past year. I will not get involved in your personal life and you can do what you want"

Her reaction was: "I am not doing anything. You are going crazy. You can't just stop caring that fast."

So basically, if you believe her reaction, my offer had no bargaining power really. However, she continues to talk to OM (which she considers to not be anything) at least.

For about a months I went about my business as if we were just roommates.

Something snapped a week ago, however. WHen I got angry about her and OM interaction of the past week she brought up the "I thought you said my personal life is none of your busines, etc etc."

Those are the high points basically. I am sure there were a few other comment here and there, but the basic reaction to my offer of about 6 weeks ago was "I am not doing anything. I don't need an open relationship because I am not with anyone, etc etc. I just have a friend and am just talking - not doing anything with him...".

I think I proved all this wrong when I offered her legal separation if she agrees to cut off all contact with OM and go to some counseling for a month or two. She refused, even though she has been requesting legal separation rather than divorce all along. She says it is too stressful for her and she needs to get away from me. She can, I will pay her, if she agrees to no OM and some counseling but she refuses. This, in my eyes, confirms why she wants to leave (OM) which I knew all along anyway.