Thank you for the insight you've provided..I'd known I'd find answers here when I came back...and each one is helping me to understand. You'd think since I'd been dealing before, I would have already known some things and wouldn't need help...but oh, that is SO untrue. Memories fade, and are hard to come by, healing took place, and I moved on to a different place in my life. The bottom line was/is, I grew up..and I guess he didn't...and so I left him behind, somewhat.
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Maybe that is the problem: you are trying to make sense of something that is wither not sensical or not meant for making sense. It sounds to me as though you are thinking too hard which is risking analysis paralysis.
Think you are right...the analytical part of me never left; that's the part of me who takes things apart to look deep within. That was also the part that helped me write the six stages of MLC. Connections were made through insight and a number of other things. Jim Conway had written his based on HIS journey, I think...I think he counseled a number of other people, but, still, he didn't seem to make the same kind of connections I did, mine were deeper, plus, I was here with people that were really open with what they were seeing/feeling; and I dug deep for what I needed to write these things, asking many questions, along with what I was experiencing/seeing.
Mr Conway wrote metaphorically, when, probably, he should have been writing in plain language that was easy to understand. And God knows we needed all the understanding we could find at that time..and even now with all the people that are here who are going through the SAME things. The people have changed, but the MLC monster is still the same.
As I had continued to post when I was here before, very deep connections were made with this Monster; and I did some serious pushing past the point of being afraid, and my understanding began to open, my fears were faced, and I wrote to get rid of these feelings, transferring them to the written word to get them off me. It was cathartic, and healing for me to write; after it was on paper, or messageboard, I could look at the whole thing in a different aspect/perspective.
After you get so far, you push PAST the fear, and into the open, realizing that the only thing you ever had to fear was fear itself. I also have a desire to help people understand what they face when they are facing things. I still counsel people in and through the problems in their lives; with the help of the Lord who'd given me this gift of insight..and it's not wasted, that's for sure.
There've been many who have told me that talking to me is comforting, healing..and I seem to put things into a perspective where they can gain a greater understanding of what they face, and how to overcome. I say, I guess...but He speaks through me, and sometimes I don't remember what has been said.
The reason I have a really hard time taking compliments is the fact that I don't consider myself anything special, and I never will. I can see and have confidence in the fact I have survived many things in my life and came through changed. But humility is something that I have never been able to put aside; always crediting the Lord who made me for what I have become. And, too, just because I have moved on to a different stage of my life, I don't feel like I'm any better than anyone else..I'm just plain and down to earth, always trying to relate to what people are going through, and passing on what understanding I gain to others in the same or similar situations. I'd often heard that you can't relate unless you've walked that path in a similar way...walking in another's shoes. And it's true, unless you are insightful enough to make the attempt...if it's too painful, you back out and leave that to others that know better than you. I've had to do that a few times myself. I, as a human being, have always been afraid of saying the wrong things and causing more damage; but when the Lord has poured things into me before and instructed me to speak/do it's always been the right thing to say/do. That part of me has NEVER changed.
Regarding my work going beyond this board; what I wrote was also inspired by the Lord, though I was the writer. And when He passes on wisdom..it takes many forms. It is to Him that I credit this expansion, if you will.
I did go back and re-read them; and I did not recognize myself as having written them..that was another person in another life.
In closing, even if those six stages had never left this board; it's still the same, they were a help, not only to me but others, as well.
It was through the helping of others that my own healing was attained.
Thank you once again for your post.
Much love, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
