I agree with Puppy, if they have such an history, then all bets are off.
When I found out he was posting his naked azz on that internet site, I found it by accident, since then I have not been able to trust him whenever he is on the computer.. and this happend in July 2006. Before that I found a sexually explicit letter that was written... that was an accident too.. Was cleaning out stuff and found a old work address book and in the pocket was the letter.... So sometimes it is fate that you find this stuff out, sometimes you have to investigate if there is like puppy said resonable cause.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Yes, same here, my wife left the chat client running and the OM had sent a note to her while she was away, I was on the PC and it popped right up in front of me... it was clear from the note she was having an EA with this man at the very least... I just happened to be on the PC at the time...
So, any BS your wife gives you blackskys about violating HER privacy is just that.. BS... she's just an addict being their defensive as usual self. YOU have a RIGHT and an OBLIGATION to protect your home, even if your wife is the person you have to protect your home from sometimes...
This OM she's with is NO GOOD for her... he WILL run out on her... YOU can do something about that... don't let her stop you.
Looking for feedback, kinda blended family issue, I will repost in another section.. Last summer when I discovered my wifes affair she had secured an attorney, she told me on a July Friday she had filed for divorce(she later stopped the paperwork on the following Monday). I believed her that she had filed,in the aftermath I confided in my adult daughter that my wife was having an affair. My daughter is from a previous marriage who my current wife helped to raise( my daughter was 12 years old when I married my current wife 19 years ago) Anyway,my daughter took it upon herself to send OM an email telling him to leave our family alone....My wife was furious that she got involved and has since stopped all contact with her. Additionally my wife dislikes when I speak with my daughter, she even balks when I wish to see my two grandchildren. My wife actually blames both my daughter and me for our failing marriage, I find it both absurd and hurtful. My wife complains that she was never my priority and my daughter was. How can a spouse ask their partner to choose between them or a child.......
I'm confused. Your wife has ceased all contact with your daughter, but she doesn't like when you talk to your daughter?? Who does this daughter live with??
Exposing to adult children is perfectly reasonable, and I did it myself. "I decided that I would no longer lie to cover up your affair" and "I felt she had a right to know" are your best responses to this. The "blaming" is classic infidelity "SCRIPT," and I'd suggest you keep posting here, because it will be easier to follow your sitch and get the best advice for dealing with it.
My daughter lives with her husband raising two children with another on the way. My daughter lived with us from when she was 12 years old until she turned 18,she is now 29 years old(My daughter lived with me when I meet my wife.My daughter and I lived alone together for 6 years.I had full custody from previous marriage) I kept the discovery of the affair to myself until my wife said she filed for divorce. My wife and daughter seemed to have a close relationship but by this time my wife had distanced herself from both my daughter and the rest of my family including our own son. My daughter didnt understand why my wife had stopped talking with her. The sharing of what I knew did help to shed light on her behavior. Now my wife blames both me and my daughter for our failed marriage, she maintains my priorities were with my daughter and not her. She blames me for her having an affair. My wife is jealous of my daughters close relationship with me. Sounds complicated now that I write it down... I mostly worry about our son and how all this is affecting him. I love both of my children equally and would do whatever I can for them... It does seem that my wife demands all of my attention now and then complains that I am not letting her breath and I keep her in a box. If I spend time with either son or daughter I then am told I am trying to be their best friends. I do believe I have just described the insanity I have accepted.........Thanks for listening......
OK blakskys, it doesn't sound like you have READ Michele Davis' Divorce remedy yet.
THe VERY FIRST THING you need to LEARN here is that when a SPOUSE is feeling NEGATIVE about their marriage, ESPECIALLY when they are having an affair.. what they SAY is NOT of ANY USE to you.
Ignore 100% of what they SAY, and 50% of what they DO... it is NOT constructive.... I would'nt even put the engergy into POSTING it here...we have ALL HEARD this stuff :
I love you, but I'm not in love with you Our marriage is over, i'm done You are the reason our marriage failed I feel trapped, I feel like I'm in a cage I feel lost, hopeless, confused, and VERY ANGRY
We have ALL HEARD all of this stuff.. you need to STOP listening to that garbage..
your wife is experiencing wayward martial impulses AND is in the heat of a sleazy affair... her IMPULSES are guiding her jugement right now NOT her reasoning faculties. IGNORE the negative CRAP and fight for your marriage. STOP letting her DRAW you INTO the negative world her brain is in right now.
When an alcoholic tells you how miserable they are, do you sit down with them and have a drink and share horror stories?
I applaud your daughter for speaking up. YOU make SURE you THANK her for protecting her HOME... its a RARE thing to find someone with the COURAGE to do that.
IGNORE your wife's fingerpointing, she's just deflecting her guilt ridden impulses outward to reduce her stress level.
You really need to start READING... Not Just FRiends by Glass is a GREAT START... we can't Possibly tell you EVERYTHING here in this forum that you can benefit from.. its aLL been said VERY well in Not Just Friends... I wouldn't bother much with After the Affair until its on the way out.
MOST important, while your spouse is cheating, I would'nt even reccomend you SPEAK with her AT ALL... tell her until she has ENDED contact with OM and is prepared to attend a family therapy session you do NOT wnt to have have CONVERSATION with her.
This will inevitably invite her PURSUIT.
IGNORE her... she will provoke you into fights, she will sling insults, and throw negative thoughts at you like an artillery barrage... STEP OUT of the DRAMA... just sidestep it like she has a disease.
