Actually GIMA, your wife is being quite wise in letting her lawyer handle things for her. You would be wise to let YOUR lawyer handle things for you. Is there anything stopping YOU from making an offer first?
You would be wise to stop trying to force her and pressure her (pressure does NOT work) into making decisions without her lawyer. You would be wise to drop the issue and tell your lawyer to take control here and do what he has to do. If you do that, when things don't go her way, you can use the same excuse she is using.. which is "I will have to talk to my lawyer."
GIMA - This sounds a lot like my sitch in the beginning of the "negotiations". While I basically sucked at DBing, I am happy with the way I handled this part. I'll give you a very brief description and then you can filter out what applies:
With my L, I put together a big proposal in the beginning of negotiations on how I saw it playing out. Quite honestly, it was an incredibly generous offer made mostly out of fear. It was offering to split everything including time with the kids and all finances. When I saw how my XW and her L reacted to it (like they were insulted), I told my L to take that offer off the table and now we were going to fight it out. I wanted full custody of the kids and everything else was secondary and would be a result of that. I then served my XW immediately. I never, ever again spoke to or engaged in a conversation regarding our D. It was treated as strictly business at that point whether she liked it or not.
Up to that point I was so concerned with what she would agree to. My L at one point said to me, "what do you want?" She told me that I never expressed it. But I wanted the kids, and quite frankly, I deserved them. So that is how we proceeded. That 50/50 split was taken off the table and never addressed again. Rather than playing defense, we went on the offensive. I no longer cared what she wanted. I thought about what was best for the boys. I thought about what was best for me. Everything changed.
I wasn't interested in reconciliation at that point. Too many bridges had been burned. But I can tell you that she had nothing but respect at that point and completely caved. Her L basically cut a deal and we let them save just a little face. In the end she got less than 10% of that original 50/50 offer.
I'm not telling you that you should do anything that I did. My point is that the D part really needs to be separate from any DBing that you are doing. Unfortunately, it is a business interaction. You need to cut a deal that you will be happy with for the rest of your life. That needs to be your mindset. Now, with that in mind, who do you want taking control, her or you?? Talk to your L. Tell him or her what you want. And from here on forward, let your L represent you. I don't want to come across as pro D here. Please don't misinterpret. I just want to make sure you are protecting yourself. It's soo important. I know many people that didn't. I was lucky.
Mules
Strength and Honor. Always.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
