Just Keep Livin' #3

[JKL2009]

I've been lurking here still from time-to-time, but most of my energy and time has been in the real world. Not much has changed in my sitch, just keeping on moving forward and all. In the past weeks things have been basically the same. No problem or issues. Sharing custody has gone smoothly. We talk a fair amount, almost exclusively about parenting. There have been glimmers of R talk but nothing big. Still in a legal limbo as there is no actual legal agreement between us on the separation.

This weekend was a nice time. Had a birthday party to attend for one of S's daycare classmates. We all went, had a good time, then after went to a mall to run errands together and such. I was driving and was going to drop S and WAW off at her place, and while driving we got into some R talk. Not all that much, but it had been a long time.

She brought up that it was probably time to get an agreement in place, for both our sakes. I agreed. We don't have any disagreements on issues right now, so I think that will be very easy. We talked a bit about upcoming plans for travel, vacation, etc. She asked me about what I had planned, and I said I really hadn't thought much about vacations. I offered the idea of doing something as a family, but she indicated she was not interested in that. I said no problem then.

When we got to her place, I asked is she wanted to chat some more, and she said sure and invited me in. We hung out, cracked open a bottle of wine, and talked more. In a nutshell, she is still very much hurting and having a "hard time" nearly a year since she decided to go this route. She says she sees how much I have changed and how I am GAL and am very much like the man she loved so much so long ago, but she is still very scared that I could change it all for the worse. I just nodded and said I understood.

The chatting went on, she asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. So ate dinner, watched some USA/Canada hockey, drank some more wine and chatted. After S went to bed, we stayed up talking (none-R stuff) and listening to music. Drank enough that I probably didn't need to be driving, so she let me stay the night.

So it was a pretty positive interaction over all. I did make me feel good to see she 1) is not "over" it all and still feeling a lot of emotion, 2) clearly thinks about what life would be like back together, even if she still "says" she can't do it, and 3) enjoys spending a bit of social time together, even if she says "it is good for S." These are positive things.

I think from here I keep doing what I am doing. Pretty sure I am not doing anything to make things worse, only helping things overall. Will continue to keep head up, act like a man a woman would be a fool to leave, and continue focusing on being a great father and being good to myself.

So for anyone that reads my post, my reminder to you today is that a) DB is a long haul thing, b) detach is key, c) even when things look dark, there is light, and d) do what you need to do for yourself. Good luck all.