Your husband is using the lawyer to threaten you... its tantamount to emotional abuse.
As for what to say... You want to get two points across :
1. You want your marraige BACK 2. You want the OW GONE
He has to understand that he can not have BOTH ... he's been playing both sides for a LONG TIME now.
You can word it like the following maybe :
Stop, don't talk, don't interrupt me. I just have to say this and then I am out of this conversation. You have used this lawyer and this other woman to make me and our family feel worthless for TOO LONG.
I have tolerated this because I love you and I want our family back. But at this point I will NO LONGER ACCEPT HER in my or my familie's life and remain in contact with you. I don't CARE what you SAY about the two of you.
This woman is not HELPING OUR MARRIAGE - SHE needs to LEAVE us ALONE, or your your family is leaving you. If you choose to contact her EVER again from this point I will pack my families things and my own and we will be DONE with you. You will have a failed marriage violated by a sleazy affair on your conscience for the rest of your life.
You have a choice to make - right now - you can be a member of a family and a good husband and father, or you can be a runout deadbeat that everyone talks about behind your back. What's it gonna be?
The thing is, his MOOD and temperment will invariably have to affect how forceful you are here... you don't need to be callous if he's guilt ridden at the time...
It's your call, but you can borrow ideas from the sample above.
He needs to know h
1. He's NOT choosing between YOU and HER 2. He's choosing between a) a LIFE with a full family who loves him or b) a LIFE as a runout husband
If you said he was considering Family Therapy it may be best to get this pitch done THERE by a GOOD FT. He may react better from a neutral party. He has a lot of anger he hasn't processed well and he's letting it get the better of his jugement.
The biggest red light I have read here is that you are telling him you believe he's just freinds with OW. Given the volume of calls and how much he confides in her he is at the VERY LEAST involved on an emotional level. You said you saw them kissing so I suspect its on a physical level as well. He's ALLOWING a woman to ATTACK his HOME and FAMILY... its time for mama bear to speak up to him.
Do NOT tolerate lies. I he tries to lie :
Look him STRAIGHT in the EYES cold and purposeful :
"I know when you are lying. You are not fooling me OR you, so cut the bull$hit and be honest with your family... Saying she's a friend is hurtful to your entire family, so stop it... would you like to your children to safe face too? STOP LYING and be honest about her, no one believes you... most of all yourself... You're having an affair... the LEAST you can do as a husband and father is be man enough to admit it."
