Question

[Kalni]

I was sad to read about your dad. I am sorry. And I cant even imagine how hard it is -and unfair- for a child to resume a grown ups' role. You much be proud of yourself.

So, your H's will be forced to a decision due to his living arrangements? The only thing I can say to you which you already know is that he has to stop it with OW before he moves back in. Me and H tried the reconciliation for a year while he was going back and forth (I didnt know). It "broke me" and caused unnecessary pain, not to mention if damaged our R even more.

You sound strong, I can now understand how come you are so mature for your age.
Hugs
K

[Lucky11too]

It's good that he was still being affectionate again on Friday, but I can only imagine the frustration you are feeling. So close to this deadline but still so indecisive. Obviously a strong pull towards you b/c he mentioned painting "mommy's and daddy's room", so hopefully that will be enough. Did you ever hear from him the rest of the weekend or was he "too busy" with OW?

[awest1217]

Well...yesterday I got 3 texts from H which was low. I text him in the morning because the tub spout he likes they don't have in the store so I text him about that and I let S leave a message about how he had gone on the potty. H's first text was that he wasn't ignoring me, just busy. The owners actually sold the house so the they and the inspectors were coming this weekend and he had to get a lot of stuff cleaned, packed, etc.

Today nothing. I chose purposely this morning to not text him and to not text him after church because I always ask him if we are doing anything and why should I always plan my day around him. I did finally text him around 7 to see how his day went...nothing. I sent one more text saying I was sorry if he is mad about something and wondering if he is ignoring me, dead phone, busy, etc. I then added how S has been dry with no accidents all day. Good night and I love you. Still...Nothing. Oh well. Once again he can go a day without talking to me, but not OW...oh well. It is just weird because I talked to my parents tonight and they were hoping like me that H would come home, but I doubt it. One good note, last night and Friday night I drove past OW's house and her car was there so she didn't spend the night at H's...Yeah, but she might be tonight.

I although, had a great weekend. Beside the shower still not working, it was good. S has been doing well potty training. As I said above, no accidents today, and the only accidents yesterday were due to poop so if anyone out there has suggestions for helping a kid to poop on the potty, I would have a completely potty trained almost 2.5 year old. He is even staying dry at night and during nap.

I spent Saturday night at my brother and sister-in-law's house with a wide range of their friends; church people, family, friends from work, old friends, etc, playing games. It was fun to meet new people. One of my SIL's friends works with one of H's coworkers. I asked if she new the coworker and SIL's friend said yes, but doesn't like her, I said I agree. She asked why and I said because she encouraged H to have an inappropriate relationship with another coworker. She doesn't like the coworker because she doesn't have the right degree for the job she is doing and doesn't do it well. It was supposed to be no kids, but all my babysitters were at the night or out of town so S came with me. We both stayed out until midnight. It was very refreshing to spend time out and having fun.

Today after church went back to my brother's so S and his cousin could play. We gave cousin some of S's old toys (cousin is almost 1) and S asked all night last night to play with cousin so we went back today for that reason. Then we went over to my parents because they came back from TN and had Christmas presents from my other brother for S. They asked about H and I so I caught them up. They said if H came home, the was welcome at their house any time which was nice.

Right now I am going to get to sleep because I have a horrible headache...just horrible, and I am hoping for a 2 hour delay because of bad weather on the way, but I know it won't happen. Last week of the trimester so a little less busy for me. We will see if H texts me. I reached out and now I am going to just leave it in his hands. I just hope if he has decided to not move home that he tells me and not just go dark because that is so cowardly, but that is up to him.

[awest1217]

Still nothing...and I am not going to be the one to text him again.

[awest1217]

Oh and I just found out this morning that 3 of our science teachers are probably retiring next year because of an incentive to retire. That means almost half the department is leaving and it is going to be a rough year next year, but I am going to keep my job, however still no word on pay next year...

[Lucky11too]

Wow, it sounds like you are really starting to detach. I had a similar situation with H last night too and I'm pretty annoyed with it. I would like to hear what his excuse is this time b/c that is pretty bad just to seemingly ignore you when you were taking the time to ask about how HE was doing and telling him about S, etc. I think you are wise to let him iniate the next contact though. You did more than enough last night to show him that you were there for him and care for him, so it's his turn to take the next step. And hopefully, he's not that much of a coward to just go dark so he doesn't have to make a decision.

Glad you had a good weekend though despite H. Sounded like a lot of fun! It definitely is a great feeling to get out and have fun with other young adults sometimes.

Great news about the job. I'm sure it's going to be tough for you but at least you will have that comfort that despite what happens with H, you will be able to provide for yourself and S.

[awest1217]

Actually I always knew I would keep my job, but if H doesn't come home and my salary is froze then I will have to sell the house and I do love this house because it reminds me of the house I called "home" most of my childhood. We will see soon.

Great news with S! He stayed dry all day again today and even pooped on the potty so no accidents for two days...actually today he had one small accident, but that was because he and I went out to celebrate at McDonald's (his choice) and his aunt (my sis) met us there and he was upset when she left. When he threw a fit...it just came out so I am not counting that. He has done great and I am so proud of him (and a little me too).

I text H to let him know about S and the potty because I thought he should know. (no text from him before that). He did text me back and said sorry he just did feel like talking much lately. He was not "feeling well", and he is stressed with state testing next week and he is getting evaluated this week. I am sure if I looked at the phone records he had no problem talking to OW. He also said he loves us both forever and ever...blah. Then before going to McDonald's S asked about H coming so I called to see if he had left work yet because McDonald's is by where he is living. He said he was still at work, but talked very low like he couldn't talk (at least he answered the phone). I said ok and I would talk to him later and hung up. He text me and said he knew I was mad. I just said I wasn't and that I only called because it was near where he lives and it was a celebration for S and I understand that he is too busy.

He has always been too busy. For this whole year, and even before. He is so worried about his job. Last year it was "I can't work on us because I need to keep my job". "We can work on us once the year is over". Then "Wait until school starts so I know that I won't lose my job". Then it was "I am so busy at work". Now it is "I have evaluations or istep". Next it will be something else. THere is always something. I mean is he even thinking at all about what he is going to do in 2.5 weeks. I mean I would think that would be more important than if his students pass a test. I mean if they don't know the stuff now...they won't learn it in a week. Can't you leave work at 6 and meet your S and W for a small meal because he accomplished one of the biggest things he will accomplish in his toddler years. H has missed all the big things of the toddler years. He saw the crawling, walking, and the beginning of talking, but everything since then I tell him about later. He just doesn't get it. His loss. I enjoyed getting S a couple of new things for accomplishing what he has and going out to eat to show him how proud I am. I am so very proud! We will see if H texts me again tonight to say good night, but I doubt it and I doubt I will get one tomorrow morning either. He did say can we go tomorrow, but tomorrow he has his meetings and it wouldn't have meant as much to S. S is 2.5 he needs rewards right away. Why should he wait because H is too busy....honestly I think he was doing something else and not at work, but that is just me. Just how he talked so quietly. I wonder if he was somewhere else.

One last thing for tonight...OW's H will be leaving again this time for FL Thursday and probably be gone until Tuesday of next week. I guess another week without H and without him making a decision. Oh well...I already have plans and will have fun without him again. He might surprise me, but I think he is trying to live it up with OW or is looking for apartments with her and isn't going to tell me until the last minute. He is going to keep saying "I love you" and without action it means nothing. Just words.

[Lucky11too]

I hear you on the work excuse. I don't know if it's a case of true misguided priorities or just an excuse to not have to deal with life. I think it's a little bit of both for my case and probably yours too.

Congrats on S though. That is very exciting. It's frustrating that H wouldn't leave work to come and celebrate with you guys (amazing that he picked up his phone thought despite where he was), but I think that was great that you took S out anyways. That's a great accomplishment for him and he deserves that immediate reward. It's sad though (and frustrating for us) that our H's keep missing out on our S's accomplishments. Never in their lives are our S's going to progress as fast as they are now and everything is a learning experience. For me recently, it's been so exciting to watch S pick up a new word or showing decision making skills. It's very cool, but H is missing it.

It's hard to know what to do right now. You have no way of knowing what is going on in his head and what is real and what is fake. But as we all know, actions do speak louder than words, so you're right, until his actions match his "I love yous", it doesn't mean much. You're in the home stretch now though, so just continue to fight hard for these last 2.5 weeks and see what happens.

[awest1217]

I text H this morning after his normal good morning text and I asked what is up (in a few more words than that). He just said he is stressed about work. I asked about him deciding (putting it in terms of that is why he has been so distant and not pushing for a decision), being mad, and many other things. He just said he is stressed at work because the principal has her eyes on his grade and wants to make sure that grade makes progress because last year they decreased a little. Many factors make last year bad, one teacher was on maternity leave for 1/2 the year, H's first year, and the other teacher is a bad teacher so all reasons why last year was bad. This year two of the three reasons are gone so it should be better. I responded by supporting him, but the sad thing is he is worried about a test that will affect his life for one week and maybe next year, but his decision with us is a life changer...funny about priorities again.

Otherwise nothing else going on.

[Lucky11too]

I can see how that would be stressful for him, but still like you said, his whole marriage and family are on the line too. Him waiting until after the tests isn't going to give much time for him to decide and you to plan, but i guess we just deal with what we are given. But at least he was responsive to you this morning, which is definite improvement over his ignoring phase.