flowmom, Thanks for the input. I will wait until I finish reading DR before doing anything. I'm sure she is/has felt alone and I have accepted my part in making her feel that way, but I don't feel the time is right to be "romantic" yet. Not after the advise given to me here and some other things that have happened. Again, I will read the DR book, continue trying things,no pursuing, not being cold, doing what works!
BTW, my original thread and story are under-waw mood swings-I started a new thread not understanding how this all works. Sorry to all for the confusion.
Sometimes men don't understand how alone women feel in their Ms. I've fantasized about having EAs and PAs, not because I don't love my M or want our M to work, but because the loneliness got so painful. I think that "being the better option" probably does work in cases where the W is in the process of giving up hope of having her needs met in the M, but hasn't completely given up hope.
I'm sure there are probably some examples. I've just personally never seen any.
I'm sure there are probably some examples. I've just personally never seen any.
You've been here for 2 years, so your opinion counts for a lot.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
When I got home from work today, W was in a mood. She said twins were terrible at school, and got in trouble on the bus. If they get in trouble on bus one more time, they will not be allowed to ride bus anymore this year. By trouble, I don't mean anything big like fighting or bullying, just switching seats, not sitting down, stuff like that. But, they must follow the rules and they were not and they should have to own up to their behaviour. She then says that youngest son, 3, fell off stage while she was running volleyball practice and hurt his head and was complaining his throat and neck hurt. He was sleeping in living room and I went in to check on him. I picked him up and he started crying pretty hard. He said his throat hurt. W came and got him and asked me to finish with twins homework. She said she would give him a shower and put him to bed. S3 kept crying and I could hear him in the bathroom while I was in the kitchen w/older boys. W called me to come in to bathroom and told me to look at his arm. Well, his arm was fine but his collarbone was sticking up and swollen pretty bad. It took everything in me not to start yelling right then and there. He had been hurting since three in the afternoon and now it was seven o'clock and she said she checked his head, arm, neck, and back but not his shoulder or collarbone. WTF? She took him to the ER and I am at home w other three kids. One twin is afraid Mom blames him because he wasn't watching his little brother good enough at practice. W told him it wasn't his fault, that it was hers and she should have been keeping a better eye on him. When she left, he started crying and I told him again that it was not his fault. He said Mom was mad. I told him we were both mad that they got in trouble at school and on the bus, but it was not his fault that his brother got hurt. He is Mom's responsibility not his. I want to say "I told you so." As I said in my earlier thread about my sitch, W volunteers coaching v'ball and track at school. She takes kids with her and then complains if they don't sit still and get their homework done and watch their little brother. I told her she was taking on too much and she said she enjoyed it. I know I should have taken a stronger stance, but she works part time and I could see where it might be good for her. Then the s*&t with the super, finding any excuse to be at school even when it doesn't involve our kids, and now this. God, I am so pissed! At myself more than anything. I should have made her quit doing so much and focus on our kids instead of letting them watch themselves. Maybe this will make her see the light, but I doubt it. I know I can't say too much now or it will seem like I'm trying to get her away from the super. My kids safety and well being come first! We can't afford a babysitter so she can do all this, and I guess she can't watch the kids and do practice like she says she can. "I can handle it" she says. I have started seeing a few positive signs lately and don't want to lose what I have gained, but the kids have to come first.
W just called, he has a broken collarbone.
I will tell her to make a choice: out kids or your v'ball and track teams. If she can't wait until kids are older and can take care of themselves, then I guess that tell me what is more important to her.
IDU, my D3 broke her collarbone this year, while I was looking after her. Of course I felt terrible and blamed myself. Accidents happen...it's not anyone's fault. I also didn't take D3 to the ER right until hours later. Yes, she was hurting but actually there was no medical treatment in our case...just taking tylenol and trying not to move around too much. As a father, you can express concern about your children's safety and expect to have that taken seriously by your W. But IMO, it's not productive to your coparenting R to attempt to control how your W cares for your children. Unless she has a history of serious neglect or poor judgement, you should let this go and calm down.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I agree with IDU, she can't watch three young children and coach sports. The young child should not have been at the school without adult supervision. A broken collarbone is fairly serious. A concussion could be life threatening.
if your wife is spending this much time at this school and is ignoring her kids why she is there you would be very foolish not to consider the possibility that your wife and this 'super' are having sex.
I know accidents happen, it's just the circumstances surroundning the accident. I'm not one of those people that would run to DCFS every time a child got hurt. Kids play hard and fall hard and do get hurt, but she cannot watch four kids and run a v'ball practice. She always said she could and we would argue about it, that she enjoyed helping at school(this was before the super,BTW), and she could always see the kids and they would be fine. Like I said, maybe this will wake her up some.
The snooping is kind of at a standstill right now. I am 99% sure most of the contact takes place on cell phone. She has a track phone so I can't get records to it. I am not obsessing about OM right now, over that. It is what it is and to me, would not be any worse if she was sleeping with him. It will all have to be discussed at some time, but now is not the time.
S3 is doing OK with broken collar bone. W is feeling some guilt so I haven't brought anything up. She hasn't been to v'ball practice or games so far this week. She has been showering S with attention and doesn't want anyone else watching him-b'sitter, mom, mil, etc. I have a meeting tonite after work and she asked what time I would be home. Told her idk and she said if she missed the game, nbd. Yesterday morning while getting kids ready for school, W was in bad mood. I was getting lunches ready with her and she said "we could have had this done ten minutes ago if you would get out of the way." I laughed and said we have 45 min before the bus gets here, what's the hurry? Then I kiddingly "put my dukes up" and said, "do you want to go outside and talk about it?" I reached out and tickled her and she said, "I'm not f'ing kidding, get out of the way." The kids were watching, and I just walked over to the table, sat down and ate b'fast with them. I left her alone the rest of the morning and when I left, as usual, she came over and gave me a kiss. This morning, I let her do it all, I ate with the kids and went to work. Again, got a kiss, no hug or touching but better than nothing, I guess. (I would really like to grab her and hold her, but I now no better!) Her bad moods not only involve me, but kids as well. What's up with that?
W just called me at work to say she is taking kids to game tonight but she won't be coaching. This after not wanting to take S out of house and ride in car seat because it would hurt his broken bone. I guess she hasn't "seen the light" after all.
