In my case, H wanted to do as little as possible even though the D was his idea. Shocker!
Anyway, I hired an attorney--my retainer was $3200. Don't know if that's good or bad for Iowa, but my sister who is a lawyer referred me to him and I trust her.
So basically, the attorney and I drafted the service form that you initially give your spouse saying you want a D. I served him myself but if that doesn't work for you a sheriff can do it.
For the intial write-up, I needed to supply the following info:
My birthdate and social # His bday and social # Our childrens bdays and social #s Date and location of our wedding (city/state) Current addresses for both of us
I think to actually serve him, that was all the info they needed.
Then for the petition, I met with my H at my kitchen table one night. I had already written my list of 'needs/wants' and true to form, he came with nothing.
So we reviewed what I had, made a few adjustments, and then I took our plan to my attorney. He revised a few things per the letter of the law/guidelines, but basically my draft became what was called a "Stipulated Decree".
It took one meeting with my L to write it up, and then they emailed me the official version. I printed it off, my H and I both signed and notarized, and as far as I know the judge was to sign off last Tuesday. We never even went to court.
So in my case, start to finish, it required only 2 face-to-face meetings with my attorney, one to draft the initial service and one to review the agreement Dan and I wrote up. Then I stopped by to return the signed service notice and I stopped by again 2 weeks ago to drop off our signed Decree.
Don't know if you guys could do that or not, if things are too tense in person you may need another plan. But it worked for us and now if he b!tches down the road, I can say, "You were there, you helped write it."
Shocker! 
