hang in there buddy. I'm right there with you... this is a terrible place to be.
one thing I wanted to tell you that I am realizing a little bit, and perhaps I'm being naive, but the manipulation thing. If your wife is indeed in MLC, like I'm pretty sure mine is, the manipulation is not intentional... it is not meant with malicious intent. They have no idea what they are doing.
Only now am I realizing the pain that she was in-- though the pain she was in was causing me, and continues to cause me great pain-- if you can start to come at it from the side of compassion (again, very hard while you are hurting)... sometimes it helps.
and the side effect is she will notice it.
I am not good at it. I have found ways to shoot myself in the foot every time I'm around her. I was making good progress but it wasn't enough for me-- and I ruined it with R talks, pressure, jealousy... saying "you want me or not"... things like that. You want the pain to end. But in the end I do not want a divorce... and I want to know I gave it everything I got.
the things I'm working on are not being so anti-social. My wife was my connection to the world... now without her I'm fairly alone-- realizing that my antisocial tendencies are a major problem that I have. I want friends when I want them... that is not what being a real friend is.
I'm also working on being a better dad. this is tough given the circumstances... but I will continue to try. I want to make sure those guys know that they are the #1 priority since they do not right now...
but it hurts like nothing else... worst thing I've ever been through.
