How do I expose the affair

[newmama]

mb, here are my concerns:
1) your H is going to the therapy session "just for show" to say he tried it

2) your H and OW are still carrying on and nothing has ended between them

3) the longer this goes on, the harder it will be for your H to end it

So I do think that TODAY, ASAP, it is appropriate for you to say what you plan to:

"Your relationship with this OW is hurting me and the rest of the family. When your done with her and agree to NC, we can talk".

If he says one word to me about us (which is usually "I can't see how it will ever work"), I want to say "It's not going to work as long as you believe that"

Maybe say "if we both want to make it work, it will! We will be able to get through this and have a stronger, better marriage than before."

I've never really done this with him before; because I was always so afraid he would run straight to his L and file the papers. However, now I know that no matter what his reaction, it's out of my control. And I'm no longer afraid of D.

Well so what will you say if he doesn't want to stop being "friends" with her?
Is this where you tell him that you will need to cut off contact with him and arrange visitation for the kids and live separately? And that you don't know how long you are going to wait for him to choose your marriage? Or will you file for D since you are not afraid of D anymore? Vets--seriously, she needs a plan.