You know I do not want to be selfish but I have no choice right now. This is my struggle. I want to change and I am in this for the long haul but I do need to protect myself and my kids from what she may decided to do in the state of mind that she is in.
And this, Eric, is the catch22.
Define selfish...
See how you were selfish before and why...
Be very honest with yourself. Your motivations.
Then compare that, how you were selfish in the past, to how you feel selfish now.
What is the difference?
In taking care of ourselves, we are all a little bit selfish, but it is necessary.
Dr. Phil (oh I can't believe I am doing this) tells mothers who always put their children and others first, that the best way to take care of someone, is to take care of yourself first.
IMO, selfish is expecting to be waited on hand and foot without doing anything in return.
It is constantly and always, giving of yourself, without giving TO yourself, and then complaining and becoming the martyr.
It is demanding that your needs be met, without any concern for meeting someone else's needs in the way that they need you to do it.
It is not knowing how you need your needs to be met, or even necessarily what your own needs are, and then getting upset because someone doesn't meet them.
It is giving and doing, only with an expected outcome.
That is selfish.
What is not selfish...
Giving your MLC spouse space, while you work on yourself, because at this point in time, that is the need that she needs met, even if it doesn't "feel" right to you, is not selfish.
However, sitting and waiting only, doing nothing to make yourself better, is selfish.
Recognizing your own needs and meeting them yourself, even if that means saying "hey, I need an hour of silence, make a hot dog if you are hungry, cuz I'm going to take a bath (or whatever)" to your kids and returning to them refreshed and rejuvinated, is not selfish.
If going to school is going to serve you, what you want and need, make you a happier healthier Eric in the long run, then it is not selfish. Unless it is going to take so much time away from your other activities (like fatherhood), that it disrupts everyone's lives.
Taking responsibility for your own life and happiness, instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you, is not selfish.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
