I am well my friend - Learning how to detach w/love every day...
Some days are better then others however the more I learn the less bad days I have...
I am trying to GAL and conquer my fears of doing things by myself.
This past weekend I overcame a huge one for me...
I went to the movies by myself...
The movie theater I have a weird fear of - Even if there are others with me ...
I have to sit in the very back row as well as on the end seat - If not I have panic attacks...
I can't enjoy a movie knowing there are people sitting behind me...
I spend the majority of the time glancing out of the corner of my eye...
However as part of my moving forward, I gathered up the courage with the help of a friend, picked a movie I wanted to see (Shutter Island) and went...
I sat in the parking lot for a few minutes because the theater was busy and the line was out into the parking lot and I of course was trying to talk myself into actually getting out of the car and getting in line...
I got in line and the whole time there was a dialogue playing in my head about how I could do this/couldn't do this...
Got to the front, paid for my movie, stood in line for some popcorn (because really is there any better food on earth then movie theater popcorn?) and went into the room where my movie was playing...
Deep breaths my friend - That place was packed...
So packed I couldn't sit in the back row - What to do?..
I had already paid and didn't want to lose the money by walking out...
Found a row that wasn't to packed and still had an aisle seat...
Sat down and to be honest I was shaking...
Ended up texting my Mom because I felt sick to my stomach and my friend who gave me the courage was actually at the movies as well so I couldn't send a text to get some encouragement...
My Mom told me I could do it - To just relax...
No I didn't need to take a pill (for anxiety) to get through a movie I just needed to breathe...
The first 20 minutes were so hard however once I got into the movie, I was perfect.
I walked out of there like I had won a gold medal in the Olympics!
I had finally conquered a fear I have had for years - I did it on my own - And I was grinning like the village idiot!
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
