I have been studying affairs for the past 6 months or so. I am sure that you have studied them longer. Regardless, It is my understanding that continued contact in any form is a basic 'reset' to the recovery timer.
I recall being pretty frustrated for your situation months ago when we were talking. Rereading just this thread leads me to believe that you two have never really recovered from the affair.
Is your husband remorseful for the affair?
Does he reassure you by his actions that he is not in contact with this woman?
It is also very likely that there were preexisting conditions in your marriage, weaknesses if you will, that left your marriage vulnerable to an affair. Have those been corrected?
What is your 'gut feeling' about your husband - is he still in an affair?
It took me a while to learn that I had played a major role in my previously sex starved marriage. At first, I was certain that the problem was all my wife. I was wrong. We are now doing great, and she reads and posts here as well (MrsNOP).
I'm NOT saying the affair was your fault, that bad choice was strictly his. I just don't think that your marriage can be recovered until the affair and all its ugly parts have been dealt with.
Good sex will come with a good relationship. It is amazing to me the number of posts I have seen (including mine) that claim a good relationship, all except the sex. So far, I have come across no one here that actually matched that description. If the sex isn't good, then neither is the relationship.
Anyway, please let me know what you think.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
