Struggling with Hope

[ericmsant2]

Thanks Lost.Every now and then I realize what you guys keep telling me and why you are telling me to GAL and Detach. The reality is that I cannot control what she does, when and if she will ever get out of this and even if she does what will happen. So by GAL and detaching I am working on myself so that I can be the man that I want to be. For some of us who have been selfish our entire life this is difficult. I do not want to be selfish anymore but unfortunately I have no choice right now. Her desire that I do not go back to school is, in my opinon an opportunity to hold me back or at a minimum she is jealous and fustrated that I am working on myself. I believe that she is using this to manipulate me to some extend but hey what do i know. The reality is that she is very very angry and that anger is being directed at me. She rarely shows it but then again she was only one to avoid conflict so it seem a little the norm. I understand that this is something that SHE need to go thru but it is fustrating on my side to watch someone who needs help cover it with A after A. I know deep down in her is still some good. But I know realize that the A are to "satisfy" her emotional needs so that she does not have to deal with Her issues. The friends who all agree with her do not help but really I don't think anyone can help her now except GOD.

You know I do not want to be selfish but I have no choice right now. This is my struggle. I want to change and I am in this for the long haul but I do need to protect myself and my kids from what she may decided to do in the state of mind that she is in.