MSH, your sitch is always perplexing to me. I do agree reconciling/w your W is the best thing for everyone (obviously) but I still worry how all of this is going to effect D13 in the long run. Remember, you are all D13 has right now and you do not want to damage that. I think open communication/w her is the best policy. Maybe tell D13 you do not condone the W's actions but that you still love and care for her, and that family is the most important thing any of us can have. As such, trying to keep a family together is worth the battle and requires lots of forgiveness.
As far as your relatively new approach goes, it is high risk. If it helps remove the fog, great, if not, then you are setting yourself up for a let down. I think the best advice I can give you is to continue what you are doing and hope for more baby steps but do your best to keep expectations in serious check.
